Freedom Friday: My Stone of Remembrance

"People come and people go; only You remain. Constant. Faithful. Loving. Kind. Good. Comforting. Patient. Wonderful." I tweeted this on Monday.

To say I've been struggling in the past year, and even more so since my father died, is an understatement. Some days, weeks, months are more difficult than others. I find myself anxious, despairing, eating to numb the feelings.

I had been asking myself, if this were someone besides me, how would I be advising them? How would I be helping them? I would be telling them to give themselves grace, that God deeply deeply loves them, and that He doesn't see them as the broken person that they see themselves to be.

So, I have just been telling myself those things. That I am God's favorite. His beloved. Cherished. That He has so much more for me than I have allowed myself to experience.

Something happened almost 2 months ago to make these things feel even more real and true.

On April 9th, I was driving to work as I do many days. I was on the highway, going just under 60 miles per hour.   It was in the mid 70s, so I had the window open about 5-6 inches. There was a truck in the lane to the left of me, driving about 10 feet in front of me.

All of a sudden, several rocks flew out of the truck. The trajectory of each rock was different, so there was no way to swerve or try and get out of the path of the rocks.

Several of the rocks were large and coming straight at me, so I did what I thought to do: I ducked! My windshield already has a crack in it, which has been repaired, but I didn't know if it's still as strong as an intact windshield would be.

I heard a big clanking noise and looked up, expecting my windshield or window to be shattered. It wasn't. I finally realized the rock must have come right in the crack in the window, not breaking anything, and narrowly missing my head. 

I felt God speaking to my heart, "See, Brenna? I am faithful."

When I finally got a chance to stop, I looked for the rock. It was by the passenger side door, and it was the smallest one that had fallen off the truck. Some of the rocks looked as big as the palm of my hand.

The rock in my car

I'm keeping the rock. It is a stone of remembrance for me, like when Joshua and the Israelites crossed the Jordan River.

Look back on your life, on your stones of remembrance. Those hopeless situations where God allowed His hope to shine through. Those small lights in your life. Write them down. Reflect on them. Trust in the character of the God who parted the Jordan at flood stage.

God is faithful. And His faithfulness shines best in impossible-seeming, flood-stage situations. Choose to trust today in the God who can calm the storm and part the waters.

Freedom Friday: Avoiding Moral Failure

This is a topic that has been brewing in my mind for a while. This is due in part to things I've been reading in the Bible (Isaiah, Acts & James right now, with a little of Hezekiah's story mixed in), assignments I've been working on for grad school (a big essay on plagiarism), and partly because of life events I see occurring around me.

I also just needed to write this for me. It's a timely reminder that we don't just "fall into" sin. We will sin. Otherwise, we'd be perfect like Jesus :) But there is a difference in the way various sins impact your faith and your life. I may lose my temper with my spouse today, and that may break trust a little momentarily (especially if it's a pattern of mine), but if I were to have an affair, that changes our relationship in a different way.  All sin may be equal in the eyes of God (in the sense that there aren't particular sins that are more difficult for Him to forgive or required Him to hang from the cross longer), but some sins are inherently different because of the way they impact our lives.

There are things we can do to actively avoid finding ourselves in major situations of compromise. Here are some suggestions.

1. Be watchful over your thoughts
Your thoughts matter. Proverbs 23:7 says “For as he thinks within himself, so he is.”

In the article 5 Lies that Lead to an Affair, author Julie Ferwerda shares her experiences about how she ended up choosing to have an affair. She writes, "Few people fall into adultery overnight. As with other 'big' sins, having an affair is usually the result of a series of small compromises in our thoughts, choices, and behaviors." And the place it began for her was in her thoughts.

It begins with a thought, a temptation. Temptation isn't sin, as I've written before. It's our choice to nurture that temptation that can become sin, rather than choosing to lay it before the Lord.

One of the Freedom Steps is Think Like a Free Person. I share there how God commands us to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. The battle of freedom is a battle that begins in our minds.  “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV1984)

Be watchful over your thoughts.

2. Be honest with your intentions
James says that we have "evil desires at war within you" James 4:1 (NLT). Believers are not immune from this. James writes earlier in his letter, "Each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." James 1:14-15 (NIV1984)

We need to dig deep inside of ourselves and pray that God would help us be honest about our intentions in every challenging situation. 

Toward the end of 1999, I had been a Christian less than a year when I met a girl who had been raised in a Christian home but whose family had walked away from God. I couldn't fathom how anyone could do that, and I desperately wanted to help her. I do believe that initially, my intentions were pure; however, my resolve for purity quickly faded, and we entered into a physical relationship.

Jeremiah writes (17:9 NLT), "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?"

I wanted this woman to know Jesus, but I was still deeply broken beyond my own understanding. This is why I wrote Who's Got Your Back? The disciples went out two by two for a reason. This is why we need community, to lay ourselves as honestly as we can before others, and trust the Holy Spirit to guide us into all truth (John 16:13), including truth about ourselves.

Be honest with your intentions.

3. Be upfront about your actions
I don't like the phrase we often use in Christianity to describe our sinful actions. We say we "had a fall" or we "stumbled." To me, those phrases do not take responsibility for the choices and compromises that led to that "fall." It's not as if we are walking down a path and all of a sudden, sin jumps out and grabs us! No. That's in direct contradiction to the end of 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NLT): "When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure."

In the relationship mentioned above, I didn't simply "fall" into it. I made a series of questionable choices (not all of them sinful) that ultimately led to grave sin. This is why we need to, once again, stay connected to believers, honestly sharing about our choices and actions, and even the things we are thinking of doing.

Be upfront about your actions.

4. Be desperate for the Lord

God is able. Really. He is able. He is strong enough, He is big enough, He is loving enough. He is enough. Say it with me: He is enough.

So often we live our lives, making our plans, living as we wish (and not even in a sinful way, necessarily), inviting God in occasionally. We simply forget to include God in every decision, every thought, every actions. 

We need to cling to God as if our lives depended on it - because they do. "Apart from me, you can do nothing," Jesus said (John 15:5). 

Later in James 4:4b-5 (NLT), James writes, for emphasis, "I say it again, that if your aim is to enjoy this world, you can't be a friend of God. What do you think the Scriptures mean when they say that the Holy Spirit, whom God has placed within us, jealously longs for us to be faithful? He gives us more and more strength to stand against such evil desires."

Sin is crouching at our doors, always (Gen. 4:7). Through God's strength and power, we can subdue it and be its master. 

"Because the Sovereign LORD helps me, I will not be dismayed. Therefore, I have set my face like a stone, determined to do his will. And I know that I will triumph." Isaiah 50:7

Satan deceives; that's his nature. Sin is always crouching at the door, desirous of us. Yet we can receive God's help, determine to do His will, and know we will triumph.

Lord, help us.

Freedom Friday, Tools for the Journey: Keep It Simple

Years ago, I wrote this song.

Simple Girl
I am a simple girl
I live a simple life
I want to have a simple job
I want to be a simple wife

But I’m beginning to see that my life is not my own
And the path that I would take is not for me to choose
And all I want to be and all I’ve ever known
I’d give it all up for your sake; what do I have to lose?

My life would be nothing without You
My life was nothing before You
My life would be nothing apart from You
I can do nothing without You

© 2000 Unveiled Faces Music

I still want that simple life.

A picture of the sunset in Cape Cod

Yet I complicate things.

When reading these lyrics, I am reminded of a saying from 12-step programs, Keep It Simple.

How can we keep things simple when life seems overwhelmingly crazy?

1. Focus on what you know.

When trying to make a decision, I often think about all the unknowns and uncertainties.  It's usually unhelpful and unproductive. 

It's much more helpful to focus on what I know to be true.

Another saying I've taken away from my time in 12-step programs is, I can't. God can. I think I'll let God.

What a concept.

If God is really faithful, if He doesn't jump off the throne at the first hint of an obstacle, then continually choosing to believe that He is who He says He is sounds like a much better plan than drowning in uncertainties.

Here's what I know:
God is good.
He is loving.
He provides.
He stoops down to make me great.

That's what I will focus on.

2. Stop analyzing, and keep praying.

I usually spend more time than healthy trying to make sense of things that may never make sense. I try to make decisions by weighing pros and cons, crunching numbers, and creating spreadsheets.

I try and figure out what seems good.

What appears good to us is often the enemy of God's best.

"Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

Then I remember: you have not because you ask not.

In Luke 18, we have this example of a persistent widow.  She continued to ask the judge for what she wanted until she got it.  In Matthew 7, God is described as a good father who does not give His children stones when they ask for bread.

Put your analysis on pause, and ask the God of the universe to lead you in His paths.

3. Choose to trust.
Friends, if you've been reading my blog for any period of time, you know this is one of my central themes.  If I say I believe the Word of God, which states that God is trustworthy, then I need to choose to trust Him.

Choose to trust Him in the way you think and the things you think about.

Choose to trust Him with what you say about yourself, your situation and your God.

Choose to trust Him with your actions and in the decisions you make.

God has our best at heart.  I need to remember that.

Keep it simple.

I am praying Romans 15:13 for you all this week:
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Freedom Friday: Faithless

After a long, challenging week, this is all I have to offer tonight.

As I got on my knees tonight to pray, all I could utter is, "You are good. I am not. Filthy rags, God, filthy rags."

And yet we have this promise.

"If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself." 2 Timothy 2:13 (NASB)

It's what I cling to.

I pray it is sustenance and life to you tonight.

Freedom Friday: God's Response to Ingratitude

I recently wrote this prayer:

You are good. You are faithful. You are showing Yourself to be so.

And yet, I mope. I don't want to be in a position where I need to rely on You so heavily. Youch, can't believe I just said that. It shows me the reality that I have been doing things in my own strength for quite some time, and it's been working well for me.

Now that I'm again in a position where I can't control much of what is happening and how it happens, I'm grumbling. Even when I see Your miraculous hand of provision, I withhold my gratitude because I'm a bitter, ungrateful child who wants more than manna from heaven.

Lord, forgive me. And more importantly, change me. I do want to be like Jesus. I really do. I want to exemplify His character. Yet what I'm finding in myself are some very dark places. Extreme selfishness. Pride. Self-righteousness. Just ugliness.

I'm so thankful I'm not in charge of fixing these things.

Strong feelings. Difficult to admit.

I'm not the first person to have struggled with these things.

We read in 1 Kings 18 that Elijah had just defeated all the prophets of Baal at Mount Carmel. He ran in the supernatural power of the Lord to Jezreel, where he heard that Jezebel was going to have him killed.

"And he was afraid and arose and ran for his life." 1 Kings 19:3 (NASB)

He left his servant in Beersheba and ran into the wilderness, where he "came and sat down under a juniper tree; and he requested for himself that he might die, and said, 'It is enough; now, O Lord, take my life, for I am not better than my fathers.'"

Have you ever said anything like that?

God, enough already! It would just be easier for you to take me up to heaven right now! Then I wouldn't have to deal with this pain.

A Juniper tree, from Wikipedia

While Elijah was sleeping under that juniper tree, God came.

"Behold, there was an angel touching him, and he said to him, 'Arise, eat.' Then he looked and behold, there was at his head a bread cake baked on hot stones, and a jar of water. So he ate and drank and lay down again. The angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, 'Arise, eat, because the journey is too great for you.' So he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mountain of God."

No rebuke, no harsh words, no reminders of how clearly God had shown Himself strong just days ago. No.

God reponded with compassion and tender care. He could have sent a bird to feed Elijah, as He had done before. Rather, He sent an angel, to touch Elijah, to be physically present when he felt desperately alone.

God let Elijah take a nap and then said, "Arise, eat." More rest came and then a second time, "Arise, eat."

After this supernatural provision, what did Elijah do once he arrived at the mountain of God?

He took up residence in a cave.

Yet still, no rebuke came. Instead, God's gentle voice asked, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

God asks, Why are you hiding in this cave?

Elijah replies, “ I have been very zealous for the Lord, the God of hosts; for the sons of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars and killed Your prophets with the sword. And I alone am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.”

Everybody's trying to kill me, God! I've served You when no one else would, I've loved You when everyone's trying to destroy You, and this is the thanks I get!

So He said, “Go forth and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord was passing by! And a great and strong wind was rending the mountains and breaking in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of a gentle blowing. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave.

It took God's gentle voice to draw Elijah out of that cave. God's command to go wasn't enough. Powerful wind wasn't enough. Earthquake and fire weren't either. But the sound of gentle blowing (another translation says "a gentle whisper") drew Elijah of his complacency and self-pity.

"Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?" Romans 2:4

God then asks again:

“What are you doing here, Elijah?” Then he said, “I have been very zealous for the Lord, the God of hosts; for the sons of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars and killed Your prophets with the sword. And I alone am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.”

Elijah emerges from the cave, possibly slightly more open to God's leading, but still asking the same painful questions. If you continue to read 1 Kings 19, this is the point where God calls Elisha to succeed Elijah as prophet. Elijah no longer has to feel alone.

Ingratitude runs deep in the hearts of man.

Why is it easy for us to rely on God for one thing, and praise Him when He shows Himself strong, and yet in other things, we are angered we are in a particular position and annoyed and pouty when He still shows Himself faithful?

God, forgive me for taking lightly the riches of Your kindness, Your tolerance and patience with me when I take for granted Your provision, as if You somehow owe me. I give You my life again in gratitude for all that You are and all that I'm not.

Freedom Friday: Battling Fear

I'm battling fear today.

There are several scary situations I'm facing right now. My fears are random and widespread. Most are founded; some are unfounded.

For most of my life, fear dictated my choices and what I did & didn't do. Fear of rejection & abandonment. Fear that I wasn't good enough and would never be. Fear that I wasn't lovable. Fear that I would not have the strength to make it through the challenges I was facing.

Fear paralyzed me.

Fear could easily rule my life, if I allowed it to. Today is a good reminder of that.

My husband told me I needed to write Freedom Friday about fear. So here I am, writing these reminders mostly to myself. I hope they are helpful to you as well.

Once you recognize that fear is affecting you, here are some ways to address it.

1. Name your fears.

Write down what you are afraid of, and, if you can pinpoint it, why you battle those fears. I blogged before about fear of the unknown. It goes hand in hand with fear of discomfort, fear of new suffering. A common one I've been addressing lately is fear of failure; another is fear of success. I actually believe they go hand in hand. Fear of failure is often rooted in self-image issues. Not only are we afraid we are worthless, we are also afraid we are full of worth. We are afraid to shine, to walk in freedom, to live out our amazing.

Name your fears. Don't be shy. Journal about them or just speak them out to God in prayer. Lay them at the cross, and then....

2. Address your fears with Scripture.

Fear can have an enormously crippling effect on our journey toward living in the fullness of all God created us to be.

Fear is not something to be ashamed of. People make mistakes. It's part of being human. Jesus knew we'd be afraid. God knew fear was a part of life; that's why He continually reminds us in His Word to not fear, but rather rely on His strength and trust in Him.

Search the Word for Scriptures about not being afraid. Find God's direction about walking in His strength, about having courage and finding hope. Read them aloud and ask God to make the words come alive, that they would ring true in your heart & life. Remember that God is a God of peace:

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." John 14:27

3. Choose to trust.

Give your fears to God. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego chose to trust God when Nebuchadnezzar was going to throw them into the fiery furnace. Their response is so challenging to me: "We do not need to defend ourselves before you. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up."

Even if He doesn't?

I blog a lot about trust. In one of my first posts, I shared about how I trusted God with the child who was growing inside me, and yet, that child died.

Even if He doesn't.

Trusting God is not about "believing for" a sunny outcome. It's a choice to trust that God's perspective is far above mine, that He is good, that He is faithful, no matter what occurs.

4. Do it afraid.

Joyce Meyer says when we are too afraid to do something, we should "do it afraid."

As I wrote this blog post, I thought of a story Steve Arterburn shared on his radio program, New Life Live. Early on in his career, he came up with what he thought was a fantastic idea for a conference. He felt God was in it. He booked a hotel, a ballroom, advertised, and waited. The event day came, and the turnout was pitifully small. By all perspectives, he had failed.

Then he had another idea for a conference. A rather strange idea coming from him, as it would be an all women's conference. While he could have chosen to be paralyzed by fear because of his past failure, he rather decided to move forward, full-throttle. It would be called "Women of Faith."

I imagine most of you have heard of it.

I read over on their site today that 388,000 women made first-time decisions to follow Jesus at a Women of Faith event. What would have happened if Steve Arterburn had let fear dictate his choices?

Do it afraid. Michael Hyatt says, "Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the willingness to act in spite of your fear." So I trudge forward; I do it afraid.

As I wrapped up the typing of this, God reminded me of His goodness. If He is really good, who am I to fear? If He is able to speak the world into existence, is anything too much for Him to handle?

What fears are you facing today? How can you, with God's help and sustenance, press through them to go to the next level?

A note to readers: if you follow my Facebook page, you know that I will be starting a new blog series, in addition to Freedom Fridays, called Monday Morning Meditation. Look for it on Monday! And if you don't follow me on Facebook, do consider it. I often post speaking engagements and other news there. You can also find me on Twitter.

Freedom Friday: Remember Your Motivation

In 2011, I wrote a booklet entitled Learning to Walk in Freedom. It's basically been finished for months, but I needed to sit down and read it all in one sitting to check for continuity and last-minute changes.

One of my goals for 2012 is to finish this booklet and get it published as an eBook. At the end of 2011, I kept putting the booklet aside. I had reviewed the edits from the two folks who gave them to me, and implemented those changes. But I just hadn't made the time to sit and do the final read-through.

Everything else felt more pressing.

I began to ask myself why I wanted to wrote this booklet. What motivated me to write it in the first place?

Back in October, 2010, my leadership team for the ministry I direct and I all wrote personal purpose statements. Here was mine:

To see the Church & its individuals learn to walk in the fullness of freedom that is available to every believer in & follower of Jesus Christ, finding healing in the context of community, seeing themselves reflected in the image of God and the cross.

It's still a work in progress, but I would tweak it a bit now to say something more like this:

To see the Church & its individuals learn to walk in the fullness of freedom that is available to every believer in & follower of Jesus Christ, by discovering who God truly is, and who God created them. This is done through study of the Word, through the transformation of the Holy Spirit, and through the healing context of community.

This is what drives me. More than anything, I desire to see people walking in the freedom that Jesus died to give them. This inspires me to write when I'd rather be watching the DVD's of my favorite show I received for Christmas. It motivates me to get up ridiculously early and study God's Word, talk to Him, and write about Him.

What motivated you to create your goal? As Michael Hyatt would say, what's at stake if I don't finish this goal? What will happen if you don't reach that goal? What will happen if you do complete the goal?

Are you beginning the race with the end in mind?

"Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14 (NASB)

You can apply this principle way beyond goal-setting.

Why did you join that recovery group?
Why do you want to gain some control over that bad habit?
Why did you start counseling?
What initially motivated you to choose this goal in the first place?

Remembering your motivation can also help provide you with a reality check: was my heart in the right place when I chose this goal? Hashing it out with a friend or through writing a pros & cons list can also help you assess what is discouraging you and how to press through that discouragement.

I finished the final final edits of my booklet this week. Now, it simply needs footnotes added and the cover art created.

What goal are you working toward this week? Ask yourself: what is motivating me? What's at stake?

Freedom Friday: Fear of the Unknown

I became a Christian halfway through my 3 years at Second College (I went to college elsewhere for 2 years, took 2 years off, and transferred to a new school to finish).

Initially, I was amazed. God revealed Himself to me, daily, in big ways and little ways.

He came through.

He showed Himself strong.

He was faithful.

Then life happened. I made some bad choices. I didn't ask God for His help in certain areas. And I found myself in a destructive, and yet familiar, relationship with a woman who "needed my help."

It's no secret that I was gay-identified for almost a decade. By the time I came to know Jesus, my identity was firmly planted in being gay. It was who I was, and it was what I knew. It was familiar. It was comfortable in its discomfort (as I talked about last week).

I didn't know anything else but being gay. So when this relationship began, it simply stood to reinforce my fear: the fear of the unknown.

The fear of the unknown is a powerful force. It keeps us in unhealth because the unhealth we know is familiar. It's a known pain, a known chaos.

It also keeps us in situations that aren't necessarily unhealthy, but are not God's best for us. They are not the next step in God's plan.

Fear of the unknown keeps us chained.

It keeps us from moving forward.

It keeps us from our Promised Land.

Exodus 14 begins with the Israelites camped by the Red Sea. Pharaoh decided he made a mistake in letting the Israelites go and began to follow them.

We pick up the story in verse 10:

As Pharaoh drew near, the sons of Israel looked, and behold, the Egyptians were marching after them, and they became very frightened; so the sons of Israel cried out to the LORD. Then they said to Moses, “Is it because there were no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? Why have you dealt with us in this way, bringing us out of Egypt? Is this not the word that we spoke to you in Egypt, saying, ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.”

People stay in or run back to miserable situations because of the fear of the unknown. The above quote from the Israelites is a perfect example of that.

I was a perfect example of this. The woman I was in a relationship with had a lot of problems. I had a lot of problems. Even in the best of circumstances, we would have made a horrible match! Underneath that rebellious choice to enter into a relationship that I knew to be wrong was a broken child crying out to her heavenly father, "Are You really enough for me? Can I leave behind everything I've known and built my life upon for the unknown that is a relationship with You?"

I have to remember, as I read the above passage, that the Israelites were just beginning to walk out of generations of slavery. It was all they had ever experienced. It was all they knew. They had no context for the Promised Land.

Continuing on in Exodus:

But Moses said to the people, “Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever. The LORD will fight for you while you keep silent.” Then the LORD said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to Me? Tell the sons of Israel to go forward."

Moses raised his hand over the sea, and God opened a path through the water for the Israelites. In my case, my girlfriend dumped me, and I decided, painstakingly, one-step-at-a-time, to choose to trust God, not only in the area of my sexuality, but also with my whole life.

When God calls us to something new, it's not surprising that we will experience fear. Like the Israelites, we have no context for this new journey; all we have is context for the old one. The "what if's", the questions, the obstacles - they overwhelm us. They keep us standing still.



But in those moments, you have a choice: stick with the pain you know, or choose to trust God and forge ahead into the pain you don't know. The latter is a choice to trust that God is who He says He is and He will do what He has said He will do. It's a choice to believe that He must have something better for you, that this can't be all there is, that if He's asking you to move forward, then He will carry us through.

If you are overcome by a fear of the unknown today, surrender it to God. Give Him your questions and hesitations; He's not afraid of them. Then, stand by. Wait and see how God will fight for you and what He wants to accomplish for you. And "do it afraid", as Joyce Meyer says. As God commanded the Israelites, go forward, despite the fear. Do not let fear of the unknown paralyze you or keep you from living in the fullness of all God has for you.

I'm praying Romans 15:13 for you today: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Freedom Friday: Black Friday Edition

Happy Thanksgiving, Freedom Friday readers!

This is Freedom Friday, the Black Friday edition. While some are out and about, partaking in this Black Friday, by shopping till they drop, others are experiencing something quite different.

Thanksgiving, for some, was a joyous time to gather with family and friends. It was an opportunity to practice family traditions, eat lots of food, and overall rejoice at all God has given them over the past year.

For others, Thanksgiving wasn't quite so joyous.

The past year for them may have been full of growth and victory, setbacks and forward motion. They may have gone into the holiday with high hopes for health, for maintaining appropriate boundaries, for showing their family how far they have come.

Yet they walk away from that day, feeling like a failure, wondering if they've grown or changed at all.

For still others, Thanksgiving was a wake-up call, a realization that things cannot continue the way they have been. Boundaries need to be set, words need to be spoken, and possibly some relationships need to be put on pause or even severed. Just the thought is likely completely overwhelming.

All of these people are experiencing their own emotional Black Friday.

They find themselves rapidly plummeting into their default setting, experiencing despair instead of trust, falling into complete and utter hopelessness. They might struggle with turning back to old coping patterns, or even attempt to paint a prettier picture of the past than is the reality (a concept I discuss in the article "Craving Egypt").

Freedom no longer feels attainable, and we wonder if we put in all this effort for nothing.

Before you make any rash decisions, wait.

Pause. Take a breath.

There is still hope.

When we experience the petri dish that often is our family, it is normal to fall back in to old patterns of relating. We revert to the way we've always interacted because that's what we know.

Egypt was all the Israelites knew as they wandered in the wilderness. The promised land? They could only guess what that would be like. But Egypt, despite being slavery, felt familiar. Familiar was comfortable for them.

Even unhealthy patterns of relating can have their own level of comfort, even in the midst of their discomfort. That may seem odd, but this is why people generally fall into certain roles within the family. That role, healthy or unhealthy, becomes familiar. The reactions of other to that role, good or bad, is predictable. If one tries to fit into a new role, people react in new ways. Conflict creates a new type of discomfort. Thus, we often revert back to our unhealthy role with its own discomfort and chaos because at least that discomfort is predictable.

This is also why we often revert to our destructive coping mechanisms. The pain they bring is at least familiar. The pain of growth and change, as we strive to let go of those damaging patterns, is new pain.

The distress of trying to break into new patterns is also new, but necessary, pain. Just as believers need to learn to walk in freedom in our journey of faith, we also need to learn to walk in freedom in the ways we relate to our families.

What can we do to avoid another emotional Black Friday?
1. Remember what God has done. Pull out your encouragement file. Grab your journal and your Bible to recognize who He is and what He's done in your life and the lives of others.

2. Recognize what happened and still needs to happen. Ask your Source to show you with His eyes what really happened on Thanksgiving. Ask for His perspective. Was there a moment when a boundary was crossed that you should have left the room or stood up for yourself somehow? Was there a time you did stand up for yourself where you should have been silent, that the energy you used was like throwing your emotional pearls to the pigs? Did things really go as well as could be expected or hoped for, and yet it was simply your perception or expectations that were off? What boundaries need to be set and what healing needs to take place?

3. Reflect on what God can do. Look back on your stones of remembrance, the ways God has shown Himself strong and faithful in your life. Practice gratitude. Find something to give thanks for. Put your hope in Him based on His character, His love for His children, and His desire to bless you richly. He desires that you become who He created you to be even more than you do! And finally, choose to trust Him.

Even today can be turned around. Make one good choice. Choose to turn to God and not self-medication. Choose to call a friend and not isolate. Choose to share how you are feeling, out loud, to God rather than stuff it down with too much pie.

Choose freedom. My prayers are with you.

Secure in His Treasure Pouch

No, it's not Friday (sorry!). I just felt like sharing something with you all today :)

Yesterday in my Bible reading, I came across this verse. This is spoken by Abigail, the wife of Nabal, a wealthy man whom David inquired of, asking for provisions. Nabal refused, and David sought to take Nabal's life. Abigail ran out to meet David & his men with provisions, to appeal to him.

Are you ready to take this in?

"Your life is safe in the care of the Lord your God, secure in his treasure pouch!" 1 Samuel 25:29 (NLT)

This was spoken to David, but I believe it's true for all of us. We are secure in Christ, treasured by God, as I wrote last week, His favorite.

Something big happened today in the life of my family. It feels big to me. Thus, God's faithfulness is almost tangible, His presence felt and sensed.

God treasures you. In fact, He has declared that the lions may grow weak & hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Is there something you desire in your life, but are afraid to ask for?

Take the risk. Ask. Taste & see that the Lord is, indeed, so good.

Freedom Friday Tools for the Journey: Stones of Remembrance

This is a continuation of the last 2 Freedom Friday posts. It falls into the "Tools for the Journey" category, but it's also a continuation of the discussion of Joshua (I recommend going back & reading this if you haven't already).

We pick up the story in Joshua 4. The Israelites have just crossed the Jordan. They've seen God's hand move powerfully and faithfully, as He continues to do what He has promised He would do.

Then God tells Joshua to have one man from each tribe go back into the middle of the river, take a stone from where the priests are standing, and carry it back out of the river.

4 So Joshua called together the twelve men he had chosen—one from each of the tribes of Israel. 5 He told them, “Go into the middle of the Jordan, in front of the Ark of the Lord your God. Each of you must pick up one stone and carry it out on your shoulder—twelve stones in all, one for each of the twelve tribes of Israel. 6 We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ 7 Then you can tell them, ‘They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever.”

I can't help but wonder why God doesn't tell them to get the stones on their way through the river. Is this again another little faith test, like when He commanded them to step into the Jordan, and only then would the waters part? While crossing the river, the Israelites were specifically instructed to stay a half mile away from the Ark of the Covenant, whereas now they are told to gather rocks from where the priests are standing. The stones needed to be from that very spot where the Ark of the Covenant, a sign of God's presence and His promises, was held. God also instructed Joshua to make another pile of 12 stones in that very spot in the middle of the Jordan.

Notice they weren't celebratory stones. It would have been a fine time to celebrate, but no. The "Stones of Remembrance" served as a memorial. A reminder of God's faithfulness. That His promises were, and still are, true. The end of an era (slavery and wilderness wanderings), and a new beginning in the Promised Land.

The reality of life is that we all get discouraged. "Discouraged" is likely too weak of a word - "disheartened" is better. Proverbs says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick". Our focus gets sidetracked by the wait. We forget all that God is, and all He has done in us & through us.

We get hyper-focused on our vision of how things should be. We even have a picture of how, when and why God will show up and come through.

The Israelites certainly had a preconceived idea of how God's deliverance should look. Imagine the Israelites, enslaved for 400 years. For all those generations, they spent their days, while subject to the whims of Pharaoh, dreaming of how God would show up. In my article "Craving Egypt", I wrote about how quickly the Israelites lost sight of all that God had done to deliver them from slavery in Egypt. The following words were spoken by the Israelites soon after the parting of the Red Sea.

"If only we had died by the Lord's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death." Exodus 16:3

Even the Pharisees and Jewish leaders had an idea of what the Messiah, their deliverer, would look like. They had built in their minds an image of Him so inaccurate that when Jesus came, they didn't even recognize Him.

The Stones of Remembrance after the crossing of the Jordan served not just as a reminder, but also as a warning. You will forget. You will lose sight. You will get off kilter, lose focus, sink into despair. You will even come up with your own ideas of what freedom looks like and how it should arrive.

It's as if God is saying: I've carried you this far. Trust me. I'm not going to stop caring for you now. It may not look like you think it will. but I'm still here and I'm still working.

The Stones of Remembrance encourage us to focus on the "who" rather than the "how". We love the "how"! We love imagining and conjuring up the grand scheme of how God is going to work in a particular situation. We're not so enthusiastic about simply resting in the knowledge of who God is. We get too caught up in the details of the "how" to remember to fix our eyes on the eternal: Jesus.

This tool is different from the encouragement file in that the encouragement file is a place to keep reminders of thoughtful notes, affirmations, and thanks from people from over the years. Stones of Remembrance are times God came through, often in surprising ways.

So start writing it down. Look back through your journals, your emails, your Facebook status updates, and start a new journal. Write the date, and the way in which God came through. The manner in which He reminded you that He is good. The person through whom He spoke truth. The Scripture you heard three times in the same day, through three different means.

Write it down. You will forget. You will lose sight. We all do.

The Stones of Remembrance are what we reach for when we are disheartened, weighed down by the burden of the problems we were never meant to carry.

In the words of Sara Groves in her song by the same name, "He's always been faithful; He will be again".

That's why we need Stones of Remembrance.

21 Then Joshua said to the Israelites, “In the future your children will ask, ‘What do these stones mean?’ 22 Then you can tell them, ‘This is where the Israelites crossed the Jordan on dry ground.’ 23 For the Lord your God dried up the river right before your eyes, and he kept it dry until you were all across, just as he did at the Red Sea when he dried it up until we had all crossed over. 24 He did this so all the nations of the earth might know that the Lord’s hand is powerful, and so you might fear the Lord your God forever.”

Freedom Friday: Stepping Into Your Jordan

"Into the Wild" is a biographical sketch of the story of Christopher McCandless as written by Jon Krakauer.

In 1990, Christopher McCandless, a young man in his 20's, set out on a cross-country journey to experience life in the wilderness. After 2 years on the road, McCandless crossed a stream in a remote area of Alaska and ended up living in an abandoned bus he came across. He stays there for a few months, but he soon tires of gathering his own food and of the harsh reality of living alone in the wild.

When McCandless seeks to return from the wild to his friends and family, he finds that the stream which he crossed in the snow has become wide, deep, and violent due to the thaw, thus making it impossible to cross. In the film, it seems as if time stands still. McCandless stops there, perfectly silent, staring at the wild river that has now made him a prisoner of his choices.

****

I'm reading through the book of Joshua now. I just finished up Romans and have been working on a post about Joshua 6 (that will come later), and as I backtracked a little for context, I was reminded of the powerful story of faith contained in the book of Joshua.

Right before beginning Joshua, I was listening to a podcast, where a Christian speaker emphasized that sometimes we need to step out. Thus, I looked up the story of Joshua crossing the Jordan in Joshua 3. A detail I never noticed before leapt out at me.

Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest.

You likely know the end of this story. The priests, walking in obedience to God's command, stepped out into the flood waters. They carried the Ark of the Covenant, a sign of God's presence and His promises, with them. The water piled up in a heap beside them, and there the priests stood, in the middle of the river on dry ground, waiting until all of Israel was safely on the other side.

But let's back up a minute for context. Imagine that you are in the shoes of the Israelites. The two spies had just returned from Jericho with a favorable report: “The LORD has surely given the whole land into our hands; all the people are melting in fear because of us.” There was likely much celebration. After 40 years of their ancestors wandering in the wilderness, the Israelites would finally see the promised land.

Then early the next morning, the Israelites were instructed to pack up their things and move their camp to the banks of the Jordan River. For 3 days, they camped near the river's edge. Imagine the spray from the flooded river, the violent water vigorously lapping the banks. They must have been thinking through all the possibilities of how they would get across as they stared at the obstacle that stood between them and their dreams of a better life.

There may have been some who remembered crossing the Red Sea, or at least heard the story from their elders. Could God do that again?

At the end of the third day, Joshua commands them, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do wonders among you.” The anticipation builds. The next morning, everyone awakes and prepares to move forward. The people are directed to follow the Ark of the Covenant at a distance, while the priests were commanded: "When you reach the edge of the Jordan’s waters, go and stand in the river."

When the Red Sea parted, the waters had already parted prior to the Israelites stepping into the newly-created dry land. Why wasn't God doing that again? Was He examining their hearts, as if to make sure they were really on board? The Israelites wandered in the wilderness because of their disobedience and hard hearts. Why was He requiring an extra act of faith on the part of the priests, that they should step directly into the flood waters they had been watching for 3 days? Was He in essence, saying, "This is it, guys. We're almost there. Are you going to continue to choose to trust me and follow my commands?"

What is your Jordan?

What is the thing that is standing between you & your dreams, your freedom, the Promised Land that God is calling you to step into?

Are you standing on the banks of your Jordan, as Christopher McCandless did on that river's edge in Alaska, overwhelmed by the cold spray on your face and the rushing waters at your feet? Are you staring at the river, your obstacle, positive that you, like him, are destined to be a prisoner of your past choices?

If you are a believer in and follower of Jesus Christ, you are no longer a prisoner of your past choices. The amazing thing about the God we serve is that He sets the captives free, He brings us from darkness into light. And if He is calling you to step out, He will make a way where there is no way.

Are you willing to trudge forward as the Israelites did, choosing to trust that God has gone ahead of you?

Do you need to just step out, trusting that God will make a way?

Freedom Fridays: Choosing to Trust

Trusting God is a hard thing. Understatement of the year, but this is something that has been really hitting home lately as I ponder the future of my children. Surrendering my children to God's care does not mean things will turn out the way I hope, or even that they will live to reach adulthood. I don't mean to sound so somber. Or maybe it sounds pessimistic or gloomy.

But it's reality. I had a miscarriage. I trusted God with that child. The child died.

I'm not saying God killed my child. Hardly. Miscarriages happen for many reasons. If we get hyper-focused on the "why", we miss the point :)

God LOVES you. Just like you wouldn't wish for bad things to happen to one of your children, neither would the God who does not give us stones when we ask for bread. He has beautiful, awesome, amazing and wonderful things for you and for me. Really. Let that soak in.

The point is that trusting God is a choice.

It's not a choice to trust that things will work out a certain way; it's a choice to trust in His character. It's a choice to believe that He works out all things for the good of those who love Him - and that means trusting that He's not trying to teach you a lesson in a punitive "I'm wagging my finger at you, little girl" way because you need to learn a lesson.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

I want to share an excerpt from an article I wrote:

And most importantly, I wrestled with God. A lot. In all honesty, I suppose, it was more like I wrestled and He waited patiently for me to realize that He is who He says He is and He will do what He has said He will do.

***

There were times when I was so angry and bitter at God because He could have made my life — past and present — easier if He wanted to, but He didn't. He wasn't working according to my timing, and that wasn't easy for me.

I'm reminded of something from John 6. Jesus had just given the disciples a particularly difficult command. Rather than trusting in God's goodness and overall trustworthiness and taking into account their limited understanding, quite a few of the disciples decided it was too tough a command and stopped following Christ. When Jesus turned to the Twelve to ask if they would leave too, Peter responded, "Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We've already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God."

That's how I feel. In the midst of all the questions and doubts, I already knew that I had tasted and seen that the Lord is indeed good, and that I had no other choice but to take refuge in Him (Psalm 34:8), to take my questions and hurts, rest in the shadow of His wing, and trust that He's always been faithful. And that this time will be no exception.

As I've been contemplating the issue of trust and what it should look like, I can't help but think of the following passage where children interact with Jesus:

People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them. Mark 10:13-16 (emphasis mine)

I'm sure there are a lot of things we could pull from this as we seek to understand the passage, but I can't help but relate it to the trust of a child.

As most of you know if you've spent 60 seconds reading my blog, I have 2 children :) I never had to teach them to trust me. They trusted me from birth. Of course as imperfect parents, there are things we can do to break that trust, but at least initially, my children inherently trusted me, and thankfully they still do. They run to me (or their father) when they need food, when they have a question (in fact, all day long, I hear, "Excuse me! I'm telling you a question!"), they come to us when they are excited, and we are the first people they run to when they were hurt.

Why don't we do that with God? If we are to come to Him as little children, why don't we trust Him like little children?

Trust is a choice. Again, it's a choice to take God at His word. It's a choice to believe that He is who He says He is even when life would try to convince us otherwise.

I've been actively choosing to trust God for several years now. Almost every time I pray, I end with, "God, I choose to trust You." It's almost another way of saying, "God, if Your will is different than my will & my desires, I will still love & follow You."

If we are faithless,
He remains faithful;
He cannot deny Himself.
2 Timothy 2:13

Believers are God's children. We have been adopted into His family. And when we choose to trust God, it's a picture of how Jesus responded to the little children: He takes us into His arms, places His hands on us and blesses us.

Trust is a choice.



When I think about trust, I can't help but think of the song He's Always Been Faithful by Sara Groves, a song that still brings me to tears almost every time, despite 8+ years of knowing it. I chose the picture for this entry based on the first 2 lines. The lyrics stand for themselves. I'll end this post with them.

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God's hand in mine
Season by season I watch him amazed
In awe of the mystery of his perfect ways

All I have need of his hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me

I can't remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can't remember one single regret
In serving God only and trusting his hand

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I've heard for so long
God has been faithful, he will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end

Freedom Fridays: Learning to Walk in Freedom Wrap Up

Today, we're wrapping up the "Learning to Walk in Freedom" series. If you click on that link to read the series, make sure you scroll to the very end to start, as the posts are in reverse order.

What have we covered so far in "Learning to Walk in Freedom"?

Intro: What is Freedom?
1. Spend Time with the Freedom Giver
2. Spend Time with Freedom Seekers
3. Act
4. Understand Grace
5. Think Like a Free Person

This list is by no means exhaustive, nor is it intended to be a list of "the keys” to walking in freedom. These are simply some truths that have helped me and others as we desire to walk in the fullness of all that Jesus died to give us.

We need to be willing to do whatever it takes to walk in freedom. Whatever it takes! If you struggle with pornography, put a filter on your computer, or install Covenant Eyes or a similar software, which reports all the sites you view to one or two accountability people in your life.

Can’t think of anyone to hold you accountable? Then disconnect the Internet at your house or on your phone. Go to the library to check your e-mail.

You’re probably thinking, “Now, that’s just unrealistic.” Remember, we lived for centuries without e-mail, and even as recently as 10 or 15 years ago, it was something only a few people could access from their homes. Some people still don't have email! Shocking, I know :)

Some people I know can’t even watch secular TV or listen to secular music because the themes are triggers for them.

I’m talking about taking drastic measures! If you’re not willing to do whatever it takes, then you don’t really want freedom in your life.

That may sound harsh, but it’s the truth.

At an Exodus conference, I heard a speaker share that she made a list of 20 people she could call if she was having a "Moment of Maybe" as described in "Act like a Free Person, Part 2". She wrote it in order of how well she knew these people, 1 being her closest friend and 20 being a good acquaintance. One day during such a moment, she called through the entire list. No one answered. She started calling through the list again. #14 picked up. She said, "I'm calling because I'm struggling with temptation right now and just needed to tell someone. Could you ask me tomorrow if I need good choices for the rest of the day?" She didn't need to go into details, but she needed to reach out and be honest with someone.

I know a grown man who would give his car keys to his dad or his accountability partner and would have to tell them where he wanted to go and basically ask them permission to use his own car. Why? Because he struggled with acting out sexually. He took drastic measures!

I remember being at an event with an ex-girlfriend who made it very clear that she would like to “get back together”. As soon as I got home, I called a friend and let her know what happened, lest I be tempted to do anything. It was like 1 or 2 in the morning, but I didn’t care. My relationship with God was just more important.

You may be thinking, "That's fine for you, Brenna, but you don't know how dirty and ugly my struggles are." Please don’t tell me that you can’t tell anyone, that no one would understand, or that you’re too embarrassed or ashamed of your struggles to bring accountability into your life. Those things may feel true to you, but you are in essence saying that you are unwilling to do what God says is necessary for walking in freedom.

I do get it. Not only did I struggle with same-sex attraction for years, I had an eating disorder where I was addicted to laxatives (talk about gross) and I self-injured. I cut myself with anything I could get my hands on, and when I decided that was just not acceptable, I punched things, punched myself and banged my head against walls.

Talk about ugly!

But I came to the point where I just didn’t care what anyone thought about me. I could not live this way anymore – my desire for experiencing freedom in my life began to outweigh any shame or embarrassment I felt. I was tired of struggling. And I became more disgusted by the sin in my life than I was concerned about what anyone thought about me.

Ultimately, it only matters what Jesus thinks about me and how I present myself to Him today and on judgment day.

Are we willing to do Hebrews 12, “let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Free people do whatever it takes to become free and remain free. Whatever it takes. Jesus did whatever it took. He gave up everything.

It's OK to not quite be there yet. When I started to recover from my eating disorder, I prayed, "God, help me want to recover." The reality was I knew that recovery would be difficult and lengthy, that I would gain weight, and that I would have to deal with all the pain and hurt I was avoiding by abusing my body. I didn't want that. Who in their earthly selves would? So I prayed, "God, help me to want recovery. Help me desire You."

God gave His only Son for you, for your freedom. Tasting freedom will eventually be so much more satisfying than a life of bondage.

God wants us to experience freedom, the freedom that is available to all of us through the resurrection power of Jesus Christ.

Pray this with me.
God, you know where my heart is today. You know the doubts and the fears and the struggles. Help me desire freedom. Give me the willingness to do whatever it takes to follow You and to experience all You have for me. Help me recognize the lies and replace them with truth. Forgive me for not relying on Your grace, but instead relying on my own strength and effort. Forgive me for my unwillingness to take drastic measures, for making excuses, for hiding from You and Your healing and love. I need You. Your Word say when I am weak, You are strong and that in Your strength, I can do all things. I need You. I desperately need You. Be Lord of my life today and every day. In Jesus' mighty, powerful, holy name, I pray. Amen.

Eeyore Complex: Pooping on God's Plan

I tend to have a "Woe is me" attitude. I don't know if it's because I faced quite a few challenges in my life, or just because I'm choosing to have an Eeyore complex.

I have this problem that is an extension of my Eeyore complex. I often talk too much about the challenges I face. I like to get people to join in my pity party. Or on the flip side, I think if I don't broadcast my need to everyone in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, God can't and/or won't provide.

I actually think most Christians have an Eeyore complex. It may not manifest itself in them as it does in me. I think many Christians don't talk about their problems enough, or at least don't know how to talk about them in a redemptive way. But this Eeyore complex is generally characterized by envy and pessimism. We see how God is working in the lives of others and while outwardly rejoicing with them, inwardly we are jealous. Jealous of how God is blessing others. Envious of how visible He is in others' lives. And pessimistic toward our future, which, in our eyes, is forever bleak.

What we're basically saying is, God is going to bless others with good things, but not me. God is working in others' lives and providing for their needs in neat ways, but He's not going to do that in mine.

Today as I was feeling particularly pessimistic about a situation in my life, and, of course, sharing about it on Facebook, this thought struck me: I wonder how my whining makes my Heavenly Father feel.

I sort of know the answer.

How would I feel if my children went whining around the neighborhood, asking for everyone else to feed them and meet their needs, but they didn't come to me? What if they only came to me as sort of an afterthought? Like I was their 2nd or 3rd choice?

If I found my kids begging for crumbs at the corner store, I would be beyond heartbroken. Completely devastated.

"You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." Matthew 7:9-11

I once heard someone say that by being envious of what God is doing in others' lives, we're basically saying the specific plan that He has for us isn't good enough.

That's sort of like pooping on God's plan.

I have this blog post bouncing around in my head. It's somehow related, maybe just in that God wants us to go to Him first.

I need to take my own advice and tell myself the truth, that I have an amazingly loving father who sent His Son to hell & back for me, who wants to bless me beyond my wildest dreams.

I need to stop pooping on God's plan and rather trust in the beautiful plan He has for me, a hand-crafted journey thought up by the One who knit me together and knows me better than I know myself.

Freedom Friday: A New & Glorious Morn

Today I'm going to share with you the One Thing that is the key to learning to walk in freedom!

This is not a continuation of last week, but a separate teaching due to the holidays :) When I say "due to the holidays", what I mean is "due to the fact that I am out of town and left my notes for today's entry at home." Then again, I thought it'd be kind of silly to ignore the fact that much of the world is celebrating Christmas tomorrow!

Last year at this time, I published an article entitled "God Gave His Only". You should read it.

God knew before He created you and me that we'd inherit from our ancestors in the Garden of Eden a propensity to make bad choices, with the complete inability to throw off the chains of struggle.

Before the foundation of time, God devised a master rescue mission. Jesus was not God's Plan B or C, as my pastor pointed out last week. He was God's plan A.

My 3 year old son thinks Christmas is all about presents and for the past few weeks has daily presented me with things he cannot live without and must get for Christmas. I realized, quite pitifully, that he had no idea why we even celebrate Christmas in the first place.

Mommy FAIL.

Anyway, we started reading about the birth of Jesus in his kid's Bible. For the first time, I noticed that little manger packed with straw and it really struck me: Jesus was a baby.



Mary pushed that baby out the old-fashioned way with no epidural or fetal monitoring in a barn with animals and their poo hanging out everywhere.

I'm sure this struck me as especially interesting because I had a c-section with my 3 year-old and a homebirth with my youngest. I had people ask me if having a baby at home is sanitary. More sanitary than a barn!

Anyway, Jesus was a baby. He cried when He needed His mom (contrary to what "Away in a Manger" says), He was breastfed, He had poopy diapers. For years, He needed adults to meet His every need.

Jesus could have easily come as a full-grown man. He was God, after all. He could have floated down from the clouds and made quite an entrance for Himself!

Instead, as my acquaintance Alicia Britt Chole says, Jesus had 30 hidden years (get the book with your Christmas money) during which He knew His call & His purpose, yet He lived a life that looked pretty normal from the outside - and did not sin.

Jesus was God's plan A for learning to walk in freedom.

God saw that people He loved were drowning in their sin. Because of His great love for His creation, because of His compassionate heart for His children. He knew that it would be painful for both God the Father and Jesus His Son, but He did it anyway. He spared no expense, but extravagantly gave His only; He did what needed to be done in order for us to have the opportunity to be reconciled to Him, the chance to live in freedom, once and for all.

As The Message says, "Christ has set us free to live a free life."

As we meditate on the birth of the Freedom Giver, let us reflect on the words of this song that are heavy on my heart:

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Jesus, in His birth, His life, in His death and in His resurrection, gives us the opportunity to become recreated into the person He designed us to be. Because of Him, we can walk into "a new and glorious morn": an abundant life of true freedom.

"Let all within us praise His holy name."

2 Timothy 2:13

"If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself." 2 Timothy 2:13

This is one of the coolest verses in the Bible. In order for God NOT to be faithful in our lives, He would have to deny Himself or disown (as some translations say) Himself.

This verse has been very encouraging to me as I've watched a friend grapple with some real questions about the character of God. It can be challenging to not just jump in & try to fix it because I've been where she is & I know how painful & difficult those feelings are. But I can't fix it; only God can. God has reminded me that His faithfulness does not depend on us; He is faithful because that's the core of His character.

I recently heard Sy Rogers talk about God's character. He gave an analogy that God is sort of like the ocean. We can't know everything that's in the ocean, what every part of it looks like, or what types of animals are in different parts of the ocean. What we do know is that through & through, the ocean is salty. If the ocean is not salty, then it's not ocean; it's just regular water.

I may not understand all God is doing or all He chooses to allow, but I know that through & through, He is faithful and good and loving. That I know for sure.

Trust & Rest

I've had an emotionally draining week. There are many situations & circumstances that are weighing heavily on me right now. I don't need to go into the details of why here, but as I'm processing all the emotions I'm experiencing, I'm reminding of a few lines in a song by Andy Park.

"I can't understand all that You allow - I just can't see the reason"

All too often I find myself stopping at this point. I focus on trying to figure out why on earth God could possibly be allowing me to go through what I'm going through. Am I to blame? Did I do something wrong? Am I not praying hard enough, or am I praying for the wrong things?

Today, as I was talking with my friend Eva on the phone, I was sharing how I just need to remember the next line of the song:

"But my life is in Your hands, and though I cannot see You, I choose to trust You"

Trusting God is a choice. It doesn't come naturally to me, and I imagine I'm not alone in that. But I've found that God has always shown Himself to be faithful. I have no choice but to believe that this time will be no exception.

So today, God, I choose to trust in the knowledge that You are the Rock, Your works are perfect, and all Your ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is what You are (Deuteronomy 32:4). Today, I choose to rest in You. There's nowhere else I'd rather be.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Amen.