Freedom Friday: Are You Being Honest?

We have a serious problem in the church today.

We lie to each other.

We lie every time that we feel deeply broken and in pain, and yet we say we're fine.

We lie every time we skip church because we don't want to face the question, "How are you?"

We lie every time someone opens up about a struggle and, because of pride and fear, we pat them on the back, saying, "I'll pray for you, friend!" rather than sharing how we've faced a similar struggle.

We lie to each other.

In Russell Willingham's amazing book, Relational Masks, he addresses the core beliefs that make us feel as if we must put on our smiles and act as if everything is OK.

One major core belief is this: If I am honest, I will be abandoned. 

Shame runs deep. It began in the Garden of Eden, when Adam and Eve tried to cover up the truth for their all-knowing Creator. If Adam and Eve struggled with honesty in their relationship with God, how much more so do we need to fight against this tendency in our lives.

Russell Willingham stated this in a teaching I once heard: we demonstrate the above core belief by always putting our best foot forward and never letting anyone see our weaknesses. We have this secret fear that if we’re honest about how deep the brokenness goes, we’ll be thrown out on our ears.

A lot of these core beliefs are based on experiences we’ve actually lived through. Some of our families would shut down our honesty. We've shared our struggles and experienced rejection. Thus, we don’t risk with people. We’re always respectable. We act like we have it all together.

Paul address in the church in Ephesus. “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body” (Ephesians 4:25). You can read the context of the passage here. Paul was giving the believers instructions on new ways of living and interacting.

Paul was basically telling Christians to stop lying to each other. 

Because that’s our tendency. Our tendency, since the Garden, is to hide. Hide our sin, hide our brokenness, hide our shame. Act as if we've got it all together and we don't need help.

Russell Willingham states that we need a commitment to truth-telling in our lives.

What have you gained, spiritually, by being dishonest?

With God?
With your friends?
With those around you who can help you?

Why do we put on our smiling faces and go to church when we are totally broken inside? Or worse yet, skip church all together during those tough weeks?

I know from my own life and years of ministry, we have a desperate need to be seen. That is the imprint of God within our hearts. He did not create us for isolation. He created us for love, acceptance and support in the safety of authentic, healthy community. He deposited in us a need for affirmation, for honesty, for the freedom that is found when we bring our struggles to the light.

Here's the thing: not everyone can handle honesty. And not everyone has earned a place of trust in our lives that we should tell them our struggles. Remember Jesus' example of 3 intimate friends and 9 other good friends. So you may have to go to a number of people before you find a safe place to share your heart. But it's worth the risk. You were created for relationship. God designed freedom, healing and growth to happen in the context of community.

Will you take a risk today? Would you risk being honest, and, in the process, risk finding the freedom you long for?

Monday Morning Meditation: Look Beyond Your Mountains

Today's verses are Psalm 121, verses 1-2.

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

What is in your view today?



It's Monday. You may have a crazy week ahead of you with many challenges.

What will you fix your eyes on?

I've shared here several times that we are in a particularly challenging season. We have numerous obstacles in front of us, hurdles I've never had to face before.

I am an analyzer. I am a fixer. I like to try to figure things out, and even as I pray about these difficulties and try and release them to God, I find myself imagining the various ways God could come through.

In doing this, I am only fixing my eyes on my problems.

These are some of my earliest memory verses, a reminder of where my focus should be:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV1984)

Charles Spurgeon says this of Psalm 121, "Dwellers in valleys are subject to many disorders for which there is no cure but a sojourn in the uplands, and it is well when they shake off their lethargy and resolve upon a climb."

Are you in a valley, staring at your obstacles? Is your view full of mountains? Is it time to shake off your lethargy? Raise your eyes up a little higher, and start climbing. Your help comes not from anything here on earth, but from the One who made the earth.

Freedom Friday: Are Your Dreams Suffocating?

What have you been dreaming about lately?

Are there dreams that God has deposited in your heart?

There have been many times God stirred a vision in my heart: for my life, my family, my marriage, His calling. Thinking about the dream, praying through it, processing it made me come alive. It stirred a longing in me that is often silenced.

Then something changes.

Life happens, circumstances are difficult, my perspective tells me it's not worth it to hope. My dreams are too big, too ludicrous - just too much.

It reminds me of the parable of the sower that Jesus told in Luke 8. My dreams become like the seed that fell among thorns.

"The seeds that fell among the thorns represent those who hear the message, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the cares and riches and pleasures of this life. And so they never grow into maturity." verse 14

What are the thorns suffocating your dreams?


If we serve a God of hope, and hope does not disappoint....

If hope that is seen is not really hope ("if we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it," Romans 8:24 NLT)......

Why do we allow our dreams to be suffocated?

There is a simple answer.

Fear.

My main thorn is fear.

Fear drowns hope. It keeps my dreams bound, caged, suffocating.

How do we combat fear?

With love.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18 NIV84)

If God is love, if His love is unfailing and never-ending, why do I fear? Why do I doubt?

When I look to the cross, can I still believe anything is impossible for God?

This thought popped into my head today: I never want to stop dreaming.

I need to find a way to keep my dreams alive, to fight off the thorns that threaten to silence them.

"And the seeds that fell on the good soil represent honest, good-hearted people who hear God’s word, cling to it, and patiently produce a huge harvest." Luke 8:15

Is fear suffocating your dreams today? What would happen if you received God's unfailing love?

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12

What dream of yours needs to be revived today?

Other helpful posts:
Are Your Dreams Asleep?
How To Keep Dreams Alive
Living Your Amazing Without Suffocating

Monday Morning Meditation: The Fear of the Lord (Psalm 34 series)

This is part 4 of the Monday Morning Meditation Psalm 34 series.

Here are today's verses.

Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

Commentators say David did not have any children when he wrote this. Rather, he is talking to those he brought alongside him (mentioned in verse 3 and discussed in week 1). He emphasizes, "Listen; this is important. Learn this when you are young if possible. Fear God."

I'll be very honest and say I don't completely understand what it means to fear God. I have asked Christians I respect their interpretation of this concept, I've listening to podcasts about it and read commentaries. It's difficult for me to wrap my mind around.

Fear can mean to "cause awe or astonishment, revere and respect." That, I can understand. But to "be afraid?" I'm just not sure. I talked about this a little last week, as fear was also part of that excerpt.

I think the surrounding verses are very helpful in discerning what God means in this case.

Fearing God, in this case, means being careful of what you say, what you seek, and what you pursue. This is confirmed as well in verses 9-10. We are careful of what we say and what we set our mind to because we are in awe of all God is, all He has done, and all He has yet to do.

It's interesting to me that David says he will teach them about this fear, not that God will teach them. This is part of why I've asked Christians I respect what this means to them. Thus, this week, I'm asking God and you all: what does "fear of the Lord" mean to you? I'm asking God to show me in a new way how to revere, respect and fear Him. I'm also focusing on keeping my heart, my mind and my mouth in check.

Freedom Friday: The God Who Protects

I've written a couple of blog posts on the character of God. I've also done 2 posts on the theme of "The God Who" (bends & sustains are past favorites) and will continue that today with The God Who Protects.

I wrote in the Monday Morning Meditation this week about the following verse:

"He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection."

Psalm 91:4

Before we dive any more into the concept of God as protector, let's revisit some questions I asked in Monday's blog post.

What do you wear as armor?

Do you self-protect, or allow God to be your refuge and tower of safety?

I tried to protect myself for much of my life. I thought I could be safe if I were skinny. When that garnered too much attention, I gained 50 pounds. That didn't work either. Pushing people away with my behavior only left me hurt and desperately lonely.

"The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me." Psalm 116:6 (NIV1984)

I tried to protect myself by hiding. Hiding my feelings, my fears, my struggles and insecurities. This would eventually backfire, as I'm an external processor and everything I tried to keep in would burst forth like a beach ball held under water.

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." Psalm 32:7
(NIV1984)

I continued to try to self-protect while following Jesus. I thought, "I can't tell anyone about same-sex attraction, the fact that I self-injure, or that I hate myself on a regular basis. I'll project the image that I have it all together so no one questions me." This facade is not something that I could maintain healthily for lots of reasons, the bottom line being that God didn't want me to protect or trust in myself.

The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name." Psalm 91:15 (NLT)

How have you self-protected? Maybe more importantly, why?

Stop and think about your fears. What would happen if you chose to allow God into all areas of your life?

Grab your Bible and look up some of these psalms I've quoted. Consider what they have to say about God's protection. Ask Him to reveal the ways you have tried to protect yourself, and be willing to lay those down. Ask God's forgiveness for your unwillingness to believe He is able to preserve and protect you, and trust Him to care for you in the area of protection.

"He is my loving ally and my fortress,
My tower of safety, my deliverer.
He stands before me as a shield and I take refuge in Him." Psalm 144:2

The God who protects.

Freedom Friday: Battling Fear

I'm battling fear today.

There are several scary situations I'm facing right now. My fears are random and widespread. Most are founded; some are unfounded.

For most of my life, fear dictated my choices and what I did & didn't do. Fear of rejection & abandonment. Fear that I wasn't good enough and would never be. Fear that I wasn't lovable. Fear that I would not have the strength to make it through the challenges I was facing.

Fear paralyzed me.

Fear could easily rule my life, if I allowed it to. Today is a good reminder of that.

My husband told me I needed to write Freedom Friday about fear. So here I am, writing these reminders mostly to myself. I hope they are helpful to you as well.

Once you recognize that fear is affecting you, here are some ways to address it.

1. Name your fears.

Write down what you are afraid of, and, if you can pinpoint it, why you battle those fears. I blogged before about fear of the unknown. It goes hand in hand with fear of discomfort, fear of new suffering. A common one I've been addressing lately is fear of failure; another is fear of success. I actually believe they go hand in hand. Fear of failure is often rooted in self-image issues. Not only are we afraid we are worthless, we are also afraid we are full of worth. We are afraid to shine, to walk in freedom, to live out our amazing.

Name your fears. Don't be shy. Journal about them or just speak them out to God in prayer. Lay them at the cross, and then....

2. Address your fears with Scripture.

Fear can have an enormously crippling effect on our journey toward living in the fullness of all God created us to be.

Fear is not something to be ashamed of. People make mistakes. It's part of being human. Jesus knew we'd be afraid. God knew fear was a part of life; that's why He continually reminds us in His Word to not fear, but rather rely on His strength and trust in Him.

Search the Word for Scriptures about not being afraid. Find God's direction about walking in His strength, about having courage and finding hope. Read them aloud and ask God to make the words come alive, that they would ring true in your heart & life. Remember that God is a God of peace:

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." John 14:27

3. Choose to trust.

Give your fears to God. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego chose to trust God when Nebuchadnezzar was going to throw them into the fiery furnace. Their response is so challenging to me: "We do not need to defend ourselves before you. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up."

Even if He doesn't?

I blog a lot about trust. In one of my first posts, I shared about how I trusted God with the child who was growing inside me, and yet, that child died.

Even if He doesn't.

Trusting God is not about "believing for" a sunny outcome. It's a choice to trust that God's perspective is far above mine, that He is good, that He is faithful, no matter what occurs.

4. Do it afraid.

Joyce Meyer says when we are too afraid to do something, we should "do it afraid."

As I wrote this blog post, I thought of a story Steve Arterburn shared on his radio program, New Life Live. Early on in his career, he came up with what he thought was a fantastic idea for a conference. He felt God was in it. He booked a hotel, a ballroom, advertised, and waited. The event day came, and the turnout was pitifully small. By all perspectives, he had failed.

Then he had another idea for a conference. A rather strange idea coming from him, as it would be an all women's conference. While he could have chosen to be paralyzed by fear because of his past failure, he rather decided to move forward, full-throttle. It would be called "Women of Faith."

I imagine most of you have heard of it.

I read over on their site today that 388,000 women made first-time decisions to follow Jesus at a Women of Faith event. What would have happened if Steve Arterburn had let fear dictate his choices?

Do it afraid. Michael Hyatt says, "Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the willingness to act in spite of your fear." So I trudge forward; I do it afraid.

As I wrapped up the typing of this, God reminded me of His goodness. If He is really good, who am I to fear? If He is able to speak the world into existence, is anything too much for Him to handle?

What fears are you facing today? How can you, with God's help and sustenance, press through them to go to the next level?

A note to readers: if you follow my Facebook page, you know that I will be starting a new blog series, in addition to Freedom Fridays, called Monday Morning Meditation. Look for it on Monday! And if you don't follow me on Facebook, do consider it. I often post speaking engagements and other news there. You can also find me on Twitter.

Freedom Friday: Fear of the Unknown

I became a Christian halfway through my 3 years at Second College (I went to college elsewhere for 2 years, took 2 years off, and transferred to a new school to finish).

Initially, I was amazed. God revealed Himself to me, daily, in big ways and little ways.

He came through.

He showed Himself strong.

He was faithful.

Then life happened. I made some bad choices. I didn't ask God for His help in certain areas. And I found myself in a destructive, and yet familiar, relationship with a woman who "needed my help."

It's no secret that I was gay-identified for almost a decade. By the time I came to know Jesus, my identity was firmly planted in being gay. It was who I was, and it was what I knew. It was familiar. It was comfortable in its discomfort (as I talked about last week).

I didn't know anything else but being gay. So when this relationship began, it simply stood to reinforce my fear: the fear of the unknown.

The fear of the unknown is a powerful force. It keeps us in unhealth because the unhealth we know is familiar. It's a known pain, a known chaos.

It also keeps us in situations that aren't necessarily unhealthy, but are not God's best for us. They are not the next step in God's plan.

Fear of the unknown keeps us chained.

It keeps us from moving forward.

It keeps us from our Promised Land.

Exodus 14 begins with the Israelites camped by the Red Sea. Pharaoh decided he made a mistake in letting the Israelites go and began to follow them.

We pick up the story in verse 10:

As Pharaoh drew near, the sons of Israel looked, and behold, the Egyptians were marching after them, and they became very frightened; so the sons of Israel cried out to the LORD. Then they said to Moses, “Is it because there were no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? Why have you dealt with us in this way, bringing us out of Egypt? Is this not the word that we spoke to you in Egypt, saying, ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.”

People stay in or run back to miserable situations because of the fear of the unknown. The above quote from the Israelites is a perfect example of that.

I was a perfect example of this. The woman I was in a relationship with had a lot of problems. I had a lot of problems. Even in the best of circumstances, we would have made a horrible match! Underneath that rebellious choice to enter into a relationship that I knew to be wrong was a broken child crying out to her heavenly father, "Are You really enough for me? Can I leave behind everything I've known and built my life upon for the unknown that is a relationship with You?"

I have to remember, as I read the above passage, that the Israelites were just beginning to walk out of generations of slavery. It was all they had ever experienced. It was all they knew. They had no context for the Promised Land.

Continuing on in Exodus:

But Moses said to the people, “Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever. The LORD will fight for you while you keep silent.” Then the LORD said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to Me? Tell the sons of Israel to go forward."

Moses raised his hand over the sea, and God opened a path through the water for the Israelites. In my case, my girlfriend dumped me, and I decided, painstakingly, one-step-at-a-time, to choose to trust God, not only in the area of my sexuality, but also with my whole life.

When God calls us to something new, it's not surprising that we will experience fear. Like the Israelites, we have no context for this new journey; all we have is context for the old one. The "what if's", the questions, the obstacles - they overwhelm us. They keep us standing still.



But in those moments, you have a choice: stick with the pain you know, or choose to trust God and forge ahead into the pain you don't know. The latter is a choice to trust that God is who He says He is and He will do what He has said He will do. It's a choice to believe that He must have something better for you, that this can't be all there is, that if He's asking you to move forward, then He will carry us through.

If you are overcome by a fear of the unknown today, surrender it to God. Give Him your questions and hesitations; He's not afraid of them. Then, stand by. Wait and see how God will fight for you and what He wants to accomplish for you. And "do it afraid", as Joyce Meyer says. As God commanded the Israelites, go forward, despite the fear. Do not let fear of the unknown paralyze you or keep you from living in the fullness of all God has for you.

I'm praying Romans 15:13 for you today: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Freedom Friday: The Biggest Enemy of God's Gifts

I began writing this post 3 months ago after a series of events sparked my thinking on this topic.

This is how quite a few of my blog posts begin - just some random thoughts I've written down.

I needed to read it today.

******************

I'm tired. Tired physically, emotionally, even spiritually.

It's been a challenging few months.

I don't feel like blogging today. I feel like napping. I feel like wallowing a bit on the outskirts of my default setting.

Instead, I open my saved, but unpublished, blog posts, and found this one.

It's excruciatingly appropriate.

Back on that day in February when I started this post, I read this blog about being afraid to use our gifts. The author reposted this June 2008 post on his Twitter, and the words really dug into my heart.

That was the first impetus for my thoughts beginning to churn.

Then, also back on that day in February, I read this entry from "My Utmost for His Highest". Also thought-churning.

I can totally understand what the blogger spoke about concerning being afraid to use our gifts. There was a time I was a very prolific songwriter. It was my main means of communicating my overwhelming feelings to God and to others. And then, there came a time when God asked me to stop writing.

God did this by gently nudging me. He loves my songs. But He wanted me to learn to communicate in other, healthier, life-giving ways. Like sitting down face to face with someone who loves me & cares about me and telling them what I was experiencing.

I'm able to do that now. Well, most of the time. 90% of the time. That's quite a bit of progress over 0% of the time.

Then the Oswald Chambers entry opened my eyes to a frightening truth. When I'm insecure about what I can take on or achieve, I'm really saying that Jesus isn't able to help me. I'm saying my insecurities and weakness are too much for Him to fix and/or work through.

The entry says: "Beware of the pious fraud in you which says - I have no misgivings about Jesus, only about myself. None of us ever had misgivings about ourselves; we know exactly what we cannot do, but we do have misgivings about Jesus."

He goes on to write, "My misgivings arise from the fact that I ransack my own person to find out how He will be able to do it."

Back to the above blog post. I feel as if God clearly spoke to me through several means a decade ago concerning how He wanted to use my gifts. I've allowed Him to use some of my gifts in limited capacity, but for lots of reasons (fear, shame, pride and letting Satan win being among them), I have not been and am not living in the fullness of all God has for me.

Add my family to the mix. I can think of a million reasons that God's call is not doable or even feasible given various family circumstances. What about God's call for my husband? My kids? These are excuses - yes. But they are pretty convincing ones. This would be a great example of the "how" Oswald Chambers referenced.

The reality, for me, is the biggest enemy of God's gifts being used in my life is me.

It's not just Satan (he plays a part, certainly). It's not my life circumstances. It's not money or time or anything else.

It's me.

It's me and all my rationalizing and explaining away. It's me and all my small sighted-ness. It's me believing the lies Satan is speaking and forgetting to tell myself the truth.

It's the very stuff I pound into your heads week after week that I seem to not be able to hear right now. It's the very things I usually can put into practice. But I feel as if I'm hitting a roadblock in this area.

For my family, I have felt for quite some time as if God is pushing us out of our comfort zone in several areas and we need to really seek Him without fear. I laugh at that. Seek God as a family? I feel as if my husband & I barely have time to sit and figure out our schedules, much less seek God in concentrated prayer.

Another excuse.

What are your excuses? God can't use you until you're healed? You're too busy? Too tired? Too.....?

What are your misgivings about Jesus, as Oswald Chambers asked? Evidently, mine include having to pray a certain amount in order to hear from God about what's next. Hmm. Treating God like a vending machine where I need to put in a certain amount of something in order to get something in return is never a good idea.

I remember when God made it clear He wanted me to talk about my struggle with overcoming same-sex attraction. I was like, "Really, God? ARE YOU INSANE? You want me to tell Christians about this? I'll likely end up ex-communicated!" And look at me now :) Yet there are clearly other areas that I need to surrender and be obedient in.

What gift is God asking you to use? Does the very thought of being obedient terrify you?

What big dreams is God asking you to fan the flame of?

Are you the enemy that is keeping you from obedience?

I want to end with a prayer, for me & for you. Feel free to pray it aloud.
God. I choose to trust You. I choose to trust that the gifts You have given me & the plans You have for me are Yours, not mine. I surrender the fact that sometimes, Your plans & gifts won't even make sense to me. I release them to You to figure out the "how". Forgive me for my complacency, my falling into despair and indifference. Forgive me for only looking at things through my eyes and not asking for Your eyes. Help me to stop being my own worst enemy. Re-deposit Your spirit & Your Word into my heart to encourage me, to challenge me, and to spur me to action. I love You. You are good. Thank You for caring for me as only a perfect Father can. Not my will, Lord, but Yours - really. I pray this is the mighty name of Your Son, Jesus. Amen.