Pregnant with a Dream

A year ago yesterday, we started our lives in northern VA.

3 weeks later, my father passed away, and 2 weeks after that, we moved into a rented townhouse.

We still don't have complete clarity as to why God brought us here, nor do we have steady employment. Despite that, I am still 100% convinced God is up to something amazing.

Sunset behind our home 2 days ago

How can I be so convinced?

Because I am pregnant. Not in the typical sense, though.

I am pregnant with a dream.

God has stirred something up in me, and I'm even more excited to see what our 2nd year here holds.

Above all else, I deeply trust Him. 

I asked my 6 year-old son what he learned about in church today. He learned about the Israelites crossing the Jordan River into the Promise Land. I asked him if they talked about the Jordan River being at flood stage, and what that meant for the Israelites - how scary that would be.

I blogged two and a half years ago about stepping into your Jordan. A year ago, we stepped into ours, trusting that the Promised Land was on the other side. We are still in the throes of labor, the flood stage, birthing this dream God has given us.

We are still waiting, still trusting. It's been quite painful at times, but full of anticipation.

Thank You, Lord, for this adventure that is life with You! 

What Jordan do you need to step into today? What frightening step do you need to take?

Monday Morning Meditation: Remind Him of His Promises

Friends,

I'm not up for writing a new Monday Morning Meditation, so I'm going to direct you to the most popular Monday Morning Meditation, and my 2nd most popular post of all time:

Remind Him of His Promises

How often do we go timidly before God, as if we somehow   have to beg Him to keep His Word?

Psalm 138:2 says:

I praise your name for your unfailing love and faithfulness;
for your promises are backed
by all the honor of your name.

Praying for you all!

Help Me Be New

God is doing a work in me
He's walking through my rooms and halls
Checking every corner
Tearing down the unsafe walls
And letting in the light

I am working hard
To clean my house and set it straight
To not let pride get in the way
To catch an eternal vision of
What I am to become





Will you help me be new
Will you hold me to the promises
That I have made
Will you let me be new
Forgive my old self and my old mistakes

It seems easier
Living out my life in Christ
For those who do not know me
To hide the thorns stuck in my side
And all my secret faults

But you know me well
And it's you I want the most to see
And recognize the changes
A word from you empowers me
To press on for my goal

Will you help me be new
Will you hold me to the promises
That I have made
Will you let me be new
Forgive my old self and my old mistakes

When I feel condemned to live my old life
Remind me I've been given a new life in Christ

"Help Me Be New" by Sara Groves

Freedom Friday: Selling My Birthright

Driving to church on Sunday, I heard part of this sermon (Aug. 5th, 2012) based on these verses from Genesis 25:

Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. He said to Jacob, “Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!” (That is why he was also called Edom.)

Jacob replied, “First sell me your birthright. ”

“Look, I am about to die,” Esau said. “What good is the birthright to me?”

But Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob.

Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left.

So Esau despised his birthright.

red lentils

This dramatic and fairly well-known story describes the dynamics between twin brothers, Esau and Jacob, sons of Isaac and Rebekah. It was a volitile situation even from the womb, the Bible describing how the babies "jostled each other" within Rebekah. Esau was born first, but, not to be outdone, Jacob came out grasping Esau's heel.

Yet Esau was still the first born.

We don't have that many parallels today in Western culture as it pertains to birthrights. In Jewish culture, the firstborn child was given certain rights, privileges and inheritance simply based on the fact that he was born first. It is in Genesis and the story of Jacob & Esau where the rights of the firstborn are first talked about.

As believers, we have all been adopted into God's family, and we are all His favorites. As His children, there are certains rights and privileges that God has given to us, promises He says will be fulfilled if we follow and trust in Him, surrendering our entire lives over to His lordship.

As I listened to the sermon, I couldn't help but think of my struggle with overeating.

Am I selling my birthright for a plate of food? I wrote a poem that was posted 2 days ago if you missed it.

Alicia Britt Chole dissects the temptation of Jesus in her book, anonymous. You can read a Biblical account here.

Jesus has been fasting for 40 days and was genuinely hungry. Satan tells Him to turn stones into bread.

What would be wrong with that? Eating is not a sin, after all. What would be the harm in having a bite of bread?

From anonymous, pg. 65:

I find it noteworthy that Satan did not suggest that Jesus run into town and steal some food - that would have been a blatant violation of God's commendments. But eating? Food in itself is not sinful. And here is where Satan's lures can be deceptive. This layer was not about what Jesus would eat as much as it was about when Jesus would eat. Would he obey Father God even when obedience meant delayed satisfaction of legitimate needs?

In the layer of appetite, we witness Satan's skillful use of a most effective lure: immediate gratification.

Imagine where we'd all be if Jesus sold His birthright for a plate of food.

Your issue may not be with food. It may be with gossip, crass talk, pornography, stealing, or subtle lying. Those could all be considered "false foods."

What are you selling your birthright for a plate of? What false food do you run to in order to try and satisfy legitimate needs in illegitimate ways?

It is not likely that Esau was literally going to die of hunger, as he dramatically stated. Yet he was genuinely hungry.

Often when I run to the cabinets, I too am genuinely hungry.

But my hunger is not for food.

I desire comfort, escape. I am tired, lonely, bored, in pain, and am looking for a way to forget, to flee those feelings.

My need is legitimate, but it cannot be meet with food. My need is for God, spiritual strength, companionship, laughter, joy, peace and rest.

Think for a minute.

Are we despising our birthright, as Esau did, because we choose to run to false food instead of Him?

Are we missing out on the fulfillment of God's promises - His presence, His provision, our inheritance as His child - in favor of more immediate gratification?

Is the pay-off, the "reward" really worth it?

Monday Morning Meditation: Search for God's Strength

"Search for the LORD and for his strength;
and keep on searching." Psalm 105:4

What does the Bible have to say about God's strength?

God Himself is our strength (**Scripture references for this section are below). He also arms us with strength, renews our strength and gives us strength. Christ strengthens us to do all things. Our strength comes from God's grace. He gives us strength to do His work and use our gifts to help others. When we are weak, we can be strong in Him.

"Search for the LORD and for his strength;
and keep on searching." Psalm 105:4

The passage implies that God's strength may not always be obvious. It's something that needs to be looked for and sought after continually. I imagine part of that is because we are broken and imperfect people. In the parable of the sower, Jesus talked about how God's message can be "crowded out by the worries of this life." I know I am prone, when I hear an encouraging word from Scripture, to walk away, excited and invigorated about the great God we serve. Then when life bombards me with trials and challenges, I often lose sight of what God has shown me about His character. This is one reason I keep a journal. It serves as a stone of remembrance, a reminder of the things His Word says, and also the words He's spoken to me directly.

Could you use a dose of God's strength today? Ask Him for strength. Remind Him of His promises, some of which are listed above. And search. Keep your eyes open to the creative ways He will provide His strength.

** Scripture references for those characteristics of God & strength: Psalm 46:1, Psalm 18:32, 39, Psalm 23:3, Psalm 29:11, Philippians 4:13, Hebrews 13:9, 1 Timothy 1:13, 1 Peter 4:11, 2 Corinthians 12:10

Note to readers: I am currently reading the Life Recovery Bible. This Bible's NLT seems to have slight differences there when compared to the NLT at Biblegateway.com.

Monday Morning Meditation: His Promises as Armor & Protection

In the last few weeks, we've talked several times about God's promises, and I thought this verse was a great follow-up.

"He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection."

Psalm 91:4

When you read these Monday Morning Meditations, I strongly encourage you to go read the whole chapter or portion of scripture that the verse is taken from. Breathe, read and soak it in.

A few weeks ago, we read about how God's promises are backed by all the honor of His name. Then last week, we talked about God standing before us, as a shield in battle. Now, we read that His promises also serve as our armor and protection.

Stop and think for a minute: what do you wear as armor? Do you self-protect, or allow God to be your refuge and tower of safety? (We will talk more about those questions this week in Freedom Friday.)

"His faithful promises are your armor and protection."

This is prefaced by the psalmist talking about God covering and sheltering us with His feathers and His wings.

God is giving us a word picture. What I hear God saying is, "I've got you covered. My promises have got your back."

I don't need to protect myself. God's faithful promises will take care of that.

The psalm begins:

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High

will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
² This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him." verses 1-2

Trust. Safety. Refuge. Resting place.

Whatever challenges you are facing today, remind yourself that God's got this. He has you covered.

"His faithful promises are your armor and protection."

Amen.

Note to readers: I am currently reading the Life Recovery Bible. The NLT seems to have slight differences there when compared to the NLT at Biblegateway.com.

Freedom Friday: You Have Not Because You Ask Not

Have you noticed any patterns in your life lately?

Themes concerning which God is dealing with you?

I'm in the midst of reading 2 Kings in the Bible and starting on the New Testament, beginning with the gospel of Matthew. The topics of prayer and petition has been coming up quite a bit, especially as I read the Sermon on the Mount.

Last night, I was listening to a podcast, and the speaker reminded me of this verse in James 4:2 (KJV):

"You have not because you ask not."

It brought to mind something that happened recently.

In January, our church sang "Came to my rescue." How I love that song (I prefer this simple version to the one generally heard). I downloaded it to my phone, as I was about to embark on a road trip.

I passionately sang as I drove down the highway, "I called, You answered, and You came to my rescue..." As I sang, God gently spoke to my heart.

"But you don't always."

"Wait, what?" I replied.

"You don't always." He gently said.

"What do you mean?" I again replied.

"You don't call. There are times when I would have rescued you, even recently, when I would have reached out to save you, but you didn't call."

That just broke my heart. Especially as a parent.

A year ago, I wrote a post called "Eeyore Complex: Pooping on God's Plan". In that post, I wrote the following:

How would I feel if my children went whining around the neighborhood, asking for everyone else to feed them and meet their needs, but they didn't come to me? What if they only came to me as sort of an afterthought? Like I was their 2nd or 3rd choice?

But in this case, I wasn't running to everyone else. In this time of silence, I'm more apt to sit around, wallowing in self-pity and hopelessness, than I am to go to God first.

When God brought this to my attention on that road trip, I cried and asked God to forgive me. I repented of my pity party and acknowledged that I desperately need His help and long for Him to be my rescuer.

"You have not because you ask not."

The Sermon on the Mount teaches us some lessons on prayer.

1. Keep it simple.

The number of words or the complexity of language isn't what convinces God to answer our prayers. Matthew 6 talks about not babbling on like the Pharisees because "your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!" It gives us an example of how to pray:

Our Father in heaven,
may your name be kept holy.
May your Kingdom come soon.
May your will be done on earth,
as it is in heaven.
Give us today the food we need,
and forgive us our sins,
as we have forgiven those who sin against us.
And don’t let us yield to temptation,
but rescue us from the evil one.

Sometimes, I just pray, "God, help" or "Holy Spirit, come." God knows your heart and your desires. Keep it simple.

2. Be persistent.

Keeping our prayers simple does not mean we can only ask once. In fact, Jesus implores us to do the opposite:

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." words of Jesus in Mt 7:7-8

I mentioned the persistent widow in this week's Monday Morning Meditation. I also talked about reminding God of His promises, something I'm seeing a lot of in the Old Testament. We can persistently ask God to do what He has said He will do.

3. Keep it real.

We can be honest with God. We can unreservedly share with Him about our fears, our doubts, even our ludicrous dreams. It's often when I open these things up to God that He reveals to me the why and the how.

God is good. He is also mighty. He is able to handle whatever you need to share with Him.

“You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." words of Jesus in Mt 7:9-11

God really does have a plan for you. You. Good things for you. Ask Him to see it come to fruition in your life. Ask Him for your needs and your desires. And trust Him for the answer, even if it's no.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17 (NIV1984)

Note to readers: I am currently reading the Life Recovery Bible. This Bible's NLT seems to have slight differences there when compared to the NLT at Biblegateway.com.

Monday Morning Meditation: Remind God of His Promises

Good morning, Living Unveiled readers! Welcome to our first full installment of Monday Morning Meditation.

Let's dive right in.

Psalm 138:2 says:

I praise your name for your unfailing love and faithfulness;
for your promises are backed
by all the honor of your name.

His promises are backed by all the honor of His name.

My kids watch TV almost every weekday from 3-4. Since they can't tell time, they may periodically ask me about the shows, and if we will be home at that time. When they wake from nap, they ask if they woke up in time to watch their shows.

In other words, they have no trouble reminding me about the fact that I said they could watch TV because they naturally take me at my word.

Is that how we treat God's promises, which this psalm says are backed by all the honor of His name?

Rather, how often do we go timidly before God, as if we somehow have to beg Him to keep His Word? Or we don't even believe His promises at all, or don't live in a way that reflects that they are for us, His children?

This is certainly something I've struggled with. Reminding God of His promises almost feels presumptuous. First of all, doesn't He already know them? Second, isn't it kind of forward and demanding?

I'm reminded of Luke 18 & the example of the persistent widow. Or Matthew 7, where Jesus commands that we "keep on asking."

As I read through the Old Testament, I cannot help but see the examples of people, including prophets, kings and ordinary folks, who repeatedly reminded God of His Word and what He said He would do.

His promises for us include love, acceptance, hope, prosperity, sustenance, security, hope, protection, freedom, abundant life, and did I mention hope? Jeremiah 29 says God's plans for us with give us a future and a hope.

As you read the Bible this week, notice who God says He is, and what He has said He will do. Ask God to breathe life into His Word, and listen as He makes it come alive in you.

Remind Him of His promises. They are backed by all the honor of His name.

Note to readers: I am currently reading the Life Recovery Bible. This Bible's NLT seems to have slight differences there when compared to the NLT at Biblegateway.com.

Freedom Friday: Living Your Amazing Without Suffocating

The world was heartbroken this week by another star, taken too soon.

Some people were simply annoyed by all the press this specific person was getting. What about the members of the military who were killed or injured in battle this week? What about family members who died from addiction? Were these people any less important?

But all the press made me stop and think: why?

Why was the world so swept up in the death of someone most of us never even saw in person, much less really knew?

I believe the reason we are so torn up about stars who die is that there was something amazing about them.

Amazing vocalist.

Amazing songwriter.

Amazing actor.

Amazing inventor.

They had found the thing God created them to do, something I refer to as their "amazing", and it was powerful.

They wore their amazing on their sleeve for the world to see. Their amazing was breath-taking, soul-wrenching at times, and inspiring.

Here's the thing.

1. We all have amazing in us.
That doesn't mean we will all be famous, or well-known, or what the world would label "amazing". It means we were created uniquely, with specific gifts that only we have to offer to the world. We can all be world-changing in whatever sphere of influence God gives us by allowing the amazing in us to surface and be developed.

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it." Psalm 139:13-14

God knows what your amazing is because He put it in you. Don't seek to find your amazing; rather seek God & His kingdom first "and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

2. Ready yourself for your amazing.

We need to have a certain level of maturity and foundation of faith in order to be able to handle our amazing.

I shared some months ago in this blog post that as I searched to find God's will for my life, sought to find my own amazing, God spoke some hard words to me: you're not ready to receive it.

God clearly told me, in His gentle and loving way, that I did not have the foundation of faith or strength of character I needed in order to walk in the fullness of who He created me to be.

So how do we ready ourselves? If Jesus has truly given us everything we need for life & godliness, what else can we do?

We can surrender. We can remember not to think too highly OR too lowly of ourselves. We can use the example of Philippians 2, looking out for others' interests as well as our own, and having the attitude of Jesus.

We can learn to walk in freedom.

We can follow the directive in 2 Peter 1 to add to our faith goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness and love.

We can gather folks around us to pray for us and help us discern God's voice.

We can prepare ourselves so that as God reveals our amazing to us, we are ready.

3. Don't let your amazing suffocate you.

Use your amazing for good. Remember that your amazing was given to you by God, and it needs to be continually given back to God. God is our sustainer; He alone stoops down to make you great.

Rely on God's strength. When we stop allowing God to sustain us, very dangerous things can happen. I was reminded of this when I recently read 2 Chronicles 16, where King Asa stops relying on God for success. I prayed upon reading that that I wouldn't get stubborn and obstinate in my old age and forget to rely on God.

Finding your amazing can lead to striving. We feel once we've found that thing we were created to do that we must do something to somehow feed and encourage it. Once again, we need the reminder that God alone is our sustainer. Even Paul had a thorn in his flesh to remind him that God's grace was sufficient.

In so many lives, we have seen that the journey to one's amazing can be suffocating.

It doesn't have to be.

Let your amazing drive you to God. Allow it to humble you and send you minute by minute to the foot of the cross. Even when it becomes natural, almost second nature, to walk in your amazing, declare daily that apart from Jesus, you can do nothing (John 15:5).

4. Prepare to be amazed.

As I was listening to a testimony of a man's journey to Jesus a few months ago, I was humbled to my core. The ways God is able to move took my breath away. A thought popped into my mind:

"If you are not amazed, you are not paying attention."

God is amazing. He wants to do amazing things in you and through you and in the lives of those around you.

Pay attention, if you're not already. Thank God for what He's done and what He will do. Praise Him simply for who He is. Declare your gratitude for His continual working in you. Remind God of His Word; Psalm 138 says "for your promises are backed by all the honor of your name."

The Psalm continues:

"The LORD will work out his plans for my life—
for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever.
Don’t abandon me, for you made me." Psalm 138:8

Amen.

Ask God today to prepare you to find your amazing, if you haven't already. Ask Him to show you your blind spots and how to use His strength in those areas. And get ready. It's a wild ride; prepare to be amazed.

Freedom Friday: When God Isn't Showing Up

I've been working on a post on contentment for...well, months. Maybe longer. That was my plan for today. Finish it up and share it with you all.

But I just can't. I can't. My heart is heavy. A good acquaintance of mine is going through an unthinkable tragedy. After a long & excruciatingly difficult trial, the unimaginable has happened.

They did not receive the answer they were looking for. Their family is being torn apart, and the end is not in sight.

God isn't showing up as they had hoped.



This family has been on my heart since I received the news last night. Not only is my youngest sick (and he woke numerous times last night), even when I tried to sleep, I could not get this family out of my head.

I could do nothing but pray. Pray for peace. Pray for encouragement. Pray for protection.

As I ran this morning, I asked God to help me with my writing today. I was trying to wrap up the contentment post in my mind.

I just could. not. focus.

I couldn't stop thinking of my friends.

I came home, showered, and realized my youngest was awake. Again. As I laid down next to him in hopes of getting him back to sleep, I read my psalm for today on my phone.

Psalm 77
New Living Translation (NLT)

For Jeduthun, the choir director: A psalm of Asaph.

1 I cry out to God; yes, I shout. Oh, that God would listen to me!
2 When I was in deep trouble, I searched for the Lord.
All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven,
but my soul was not comforted.
3 I think of God, and I moan, overwhelmed with longing for his help.
Interlude

We've all been there. When we've asked for God's help so many times that the thought of one more prayer literally has us moaning and overwhelmed. The times when comfort is nowhere to be found, and it seems even God is nowhere to be found.

The Psalmist continues:

4 You don’t let me sleep. I am too distressed even to pray!
5 I think of the good old days, long since ended,
6 when my nights were filled with joyful songs.
I search my soul and ponder the difference now.
7 Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will he never again be kind to me?
8 Is his unfailing love gone forever? Have his promises permanently failed?
9 Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he slammed the door on his compassion?
Interlude

I imagine this friend of mine, thinking back to the days when her family was together and full of life and peace. What happened to those days? Where are those songs of joy? Will they ever come again? Where's God's kindness, His grace, His faithfulness? Where is His compassion and love?

Where is God? Why isn't He showing up?

10 And I said, “This is my fate;
the Most High has turned his hand against me.”

There have been times I myself have wrongly come to this conclusion.

I remember an excruciatingly challenging time about 8 years ago. My world, and my faith, had been turned upside down. I no longer knew what I believed or why. Add to that I was dealing with chronic illness, clinical depression (that could not be medicated, as the medication exacerbated my chronic illness), and my husband and I were both unemployed.

My experiences were not lining up with my theology, and it was seriously messing with me.

One example of this happened when I realized I was being overcharged for car insurance, going on 5 years. Rectifying this was not an easy process, as the reason I was overcharged in the first place was the state I received my license in and the state I lived after did not communicate with each other, and would not easily communicate with the state I currently lived in.

From my perspective, God could be helping me with this. He could be making it all happen more smoothly. Didn't He know I needed that money, and I needed it now, not whenever He decided to notice my needs and finally help me out?

I was faced with a challenge that faces all of us: if our experience does not match our theology, if our feelings do not line up with the truth of Scripture, whom or what will we trust?

The Psalmist continues:

11 But then I recall all you have done, O Lord;
I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.
12 They are constantly in my thoughts.
I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.

13 O God, your ways are holy.
Is there any god as mighty as you?
14 You are the God of great wonders!
You demonstrate your awesome power among the nations.
15 By your strong arm, you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
Interlude

Please do read the rest of the psalm here.

So what can we do when God is not showing up?

1. Ask people to pray for you. This needs to be the first step. Tell your friends what's going on, and ask them to hold out hope for you, even when you, like the Psalmist, feel as if God's promises have failed you. We need the support, both in tangible help & prayer. We need friends like the paralytic man had; he was healed because of their faith.

2. Be honest with God. Tell Him exactly how you feel, even if it isn't pretty. None of it will surprise Him. He knows your thoughts even if you don't tell Him.

3. Think about what God has done in the past. Reflect on what He has done rather than what He hasn't.

4. Ponder who God is, what you know of His character. Memorize Scriptures about His nature. Contemplate the many facets of His being, and declare them to be true. I even challenge you to try doing this out loud. Words have power.

5. Cultivate hope. I talked about hope last week, that it is a choice. It can also be learned, even in the most tragic situations.

My reimbursement check from the insurance company did show up, and it was far more than I thought it would be. It also took far longer than I wanted, but in that time, God allowed me to see that I needed to work on my relationship with Him, who I thought He was, based on my reaction (my core beliefs were that He was unkind, uncaring and unconcerned with my needs).

Jesus did not ever promise an easy life, unfortunately. He did not promise that it would even go the way we hoped. What Jesus DID promise is that His grace is sufficient, that His promises really are true, and that His purposes will prevail.

Please pray for this family, that justice would roll like a river (Amos 5:24). And if you need prayer, comment on this post, and I and others will pray for you.

Freedom Friday: Hopelessness

Hopelessness.

Hopeless.
1 a : having no expectation of good or success : despairing
b : not susceptible to remedy or cure
c : incapable of redemption or improvement
2 a : giving no ground for hope : desperate
b : incapable of solution, management, or accomplishment : impossible
— hope·less·ness noun

Hopelessness.

That dark place we resort to when things are not turning out the way we thought & hoped they would. The place we go when we had dared to hope and those hopes were dashed.

Despair. Fear. Isolation.

I'm reading Breaking Free by Russell Willingham (highly recommend this book, and even more so recommend Relational Masks). Breaking Free is geared more toward heterosexual male sex addicts, but don't let that deter you from reading it or continuing on in this blog post. I am neither male nor have I dealt with sex addiction, but Russell Willingham is such a powerful speaker & writer that I am getting a ton out of it.

The chapter I'm on, "The Myth of No-Fault Victimization", discusses the following verse: "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." 1 Corinthians 13:11

Russell Willingham talks about how in many ways, the sex addict is stuck in childish ways of relating. I think many of us, addicts or not, can relate to this. I heard someone recently refer to it as "Arrested Development": a part of us or an aspect of our personality can get stuck at a certain age & never mature past that point.

Russell breaks each aspect of the sex addicts arrested development: talking, thinking and reasoning.

I'm going to quote from the book now.

"I thought like a child." Many of us can't use the past tense as Paul did, because we are still stuck in childish beliefs, perceptions and notions that protect us from having to take responsibility for our choices. In another place Paul calls these strongholds (see 2 Cor 10:4-5).

He goes on to outline the various ways of thinking that children exhibit, such as egocentrism, centrism, animism, and hopelessness.

Hopelessness? That seems somewhat out of place. Listen to how he explains it (bolded emphasis mine, italics are the authors).

Hopelessness is not only a response to traumatic losses; it can also become a habit-forming coping mechanism. Children may lapse into hopelessness because they don't have all the information. My daughter once cried uncontrollably because her balloon popped. To her, all was lost. Because of her sobs she was unable to hear me telling her I would get her another one out of the bag. It wasn't until it was blown up and placed in her clenched fists that she opened her eyes and chose to hope again.

For many of us a popped balloon was the least of our worries in childhood. Some of us had childhood years that were filled with parental abuse, rejection or just plain indifference. In order to keep our sanity, many of us had to let go of the dream of ever having our needs met in these relationships.

Is hopelessness your default setting? Think about it. Are you, like Russell's daughter, holding on to that hopelessness with clenched fists? He goes on to say:

Two things can be said about the sexually broken. First, their hopes for love & protection were often shattered in childhood. And, second, they refuse to hope even now even though the Son of God is pleading with them. They cling to the familiar feeling of abandonment and rarely venture outside into the open spaces of God's love & grace. Why? Because they don't really believe it exists, or, if it exists, they believe they are not eligible for it. This is a repudiation of what they claim to believe.

I don't have much more to say about the above. Hopelessness is not from God. There is a reason He is called the God of Hope. Look at what it says in Hebrews 6:

Now when people take an oath, they call on someone greater than themselves to hold them to it. And without any question that oath is binding. God also bound himself with an oath, so that those who received the promise could be perfectly sure that he would never change his mind. So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls.

If God is real, if He is who the Bible says He is, then hopelessness is not an option. If His promises are true, if He doesn't change, and never lies, then we have to reverse the pattern in our lives of getting sucked into hopelessness.

If you see a pattern in your life of hopelessness, if that is your default setting, start to choose to trust today by beginning to tell yourself the truth. Ask God to show you how to see your situation with His eyes. Read about hope in the Bible. Memorize those verse and meditate on them when you find yourself sinking into hopelessness.

I'll leave you with a few of my favorites:
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:3-5

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." Ephesians 1:18-19

"This is why we work hard and continue to struggle, for our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers." 1 Timothy 4:10

"Through Christ you have come to trust in God. And you have placed your faith and hope in God because he raised Christ from the dead and gave him great glory." 1 Peter 1:21

Freedom Friday Tools for the Journey: Stones of Remembrance

This is a continuation of the last 2 Freedom Friday posts. It falls into the "Tools for the Journey" category, but it's also a continuation of the discussion of Joshua (I recommend going back & reading this if you haven't already).

We pick up the story in Joshua 4. The Israelites have just crossed the Jordan. They've seen God's hand move powerfully and faithfully, as He continues to do what He has promised He would do.

Then God tells Joshua to have one man from each tribe go back into the middle of the river, take a stone from where the priests are standing, and carry it back out of the river.

4 So Joshua called together the twelve men he had chosen—one from each of the tribes of Israel. 5 He told them, “Go into the middle of the Jordan, in front of the Ark of the Lord your God. Each of you must pick up one stone and carry it out on your shoulder—twelve stones in all, one for each of the twelve tribes of Israel. 6 We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ 7 Then you can tell them, ‘They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever.”

I can't help but wonder why God doesn't tell them to get the stones on their way through the river. Is this again another little faith test, like when He commanded them to step into the Jordan, and only then would the waters part? While crossing the river, the Israelites were specifically instructed to stay a half mile away from the Ark of the Covenant, whereas now they are told to gather rocks from where the priests are standing. The stones needed to be from that very spot where the Ark of the Covenant, a sign of God's presence and His promises, was held. God also instructed Joshua to make another pile of 12 stones in that very spot in the middle of the Jordan.

Notice they weren't celebratory stones. It would have been a fine time to celebrate, but no. The "Stones of Remembrance" served as a memorial. A reminder of God's faithfulness. That His promises were, and still are, true. The end of an era (slavery and wilderness wanderings), and a new beginning in the Promised Land.

The reality of life is that we all get discouraged. "Discouraged" is likely too weak of a word - "disheartened" is better. Proverbs says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick". Our focus gets sidetracked by the wait. We forget all that God is, and all He has done in us & through us.

We get hyper-focused on our vision of how things should be. We even have a picture of how, when and why God will show up and come through.

The Israelites certainly had a preconceived idea of how God's deliverance should look. Imagine the Israelites, enslaved for 400 years. For all those generations, they spent their days, while subject to the whims of Pharaoh, dreaming of how God would show up. In my article "Craving Egypt", I wrote about how quickly the Israelites lost sight of all that God had done to deliver them from slavery in Egypt. The following words were spoken by the Israelites soon after the parting of the Red Sea.

"If only we had died by the Lord's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death." Exodus 16:3

Even the Pharisees and Jewish leaders had an idea of what the Messiah, their deliverer, would look like. They had built in their minds an image of Him so inaccurate that when Jesus came, they didn't even recognize Him.

The Stones of Remembrance after the crossing of the Jordan served not just as a reminder, but also as a warning. You will forget. You will lose sight. You will get off kilter, lose focus, sink into despair. You will even come up with your own ideas of what freedom looks like and how it should arrive.

It's as if God is saying: I've carried you this far. Trust me. I'm not going to stop caring for you now. It may not look like you think it will. but I'm still here and I'm still working.

The Stones of Remembrance encourage us to focus on the "who" rather than the "how". We love the "how"! We love imagining and conjuring up the grand scheme of how God is going to work in a particular situation. We're not so enthusiastic about simply resting in the knowledge of who God is. We get too caught up in the details of the "how" to remember to fix our eyes on the eternal: Jesus.

This tool is different from the encouragement file in that the encouragement file is a place to keep reminders of thoughtful notes, affirmations, and thanks from people from over the years. Stones of Remembrance are times God came through, often in surprising ways.

So start writing it down. Look back through your journals, your emails, your Facebook status updates, and start a new journal. Write the date, and the way in which God came through. The manner in which He reminded you that He is good. The person through whom He spoke truth. The Scripture you heard three times in the same day, through three different means.

Write it down. You will forget. You will lose sight. We all do.

The Stones of Remembrance are what we reach for when we are disheartened, weighed down by the burden of the problems we were never meant to carry.

In the words of Sara Groves in her song by the same name, "He's always been faithful; He will be again".

That's why we need Stones of Remembrance.

21 Then Joshua said to the Israelites, “In the future your children will ask, ‘What do these stones mean?’ 22 Then you can tell them, ‘This is where the Israelites crossed the Jordan on dry ground.’ 23 For the Lord your God dried up the river right before your eyes, and he kept it dry until you were all across, just as he did at the Red Sea when he dried it up until we had all crossed over. 24 He did this so all the nations of the earth might know that the Lord’s hand is powerful, and so you might fear the Lord your God forever.”

“Talitha koum!" Expelling the Laughers

How do you respond to the laughers in your life?

From Mark 5:

When Jesus had again crossed over by boat to the other side of the lake, a large crowd gathered around him while he was by the lake. Then one of the synagogue leaders, named Jairus, came, and when he saw Jesus, he fell at his feet. He pleaded earnestly with him, “My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live.” So Jesus went with him.

*******Skipping ahead*********

While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?”

Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James. When they came to the home of the synagogue leader, Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. He went in and said to them, “Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep.” But they laughed at him. After he put them all out, he took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old).

I read these verses when I was in NY at the Exodus Regional Conference. I thought, "How appropriate!" We who are making such counter-cultural choices will often have laughers in our lives; I know I did & still do. Do we respond as Jesus did and put them out? Do we then also surround ourselves by a few close friends who are supportive of our choices to walk in freedom and to choice obedience and holiness? Jesus knew it would be scary. That's why he encouraged Jairus to not be afraid and to rather actively make a choice to trust in Him.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ promises life-changing transformation. Promises. Choose to trust in the God who calls out over you "Talitha koum: do not be afraid, but rather believe."