Freedom Friday: Fourteen Years

It's January 4th.

I saw the date several times today. I even wrote it on something and thought, That sounds important. 

I then took my littlest out with me to run errands. I just put a couple of CD's in my car 2 days ago, the only 2 I could find (still nowhere near unpacked): Keith Green and Sara Groves.

Soon it came on:

There is nothing new
I could give to You
Just a life that's torn
Waiting to be born

I Can't Believe It.* The song I was listening to that week of January 4th 14 years ago when Jesus invaded my life.

Rivers overflow

Friends may come and go

But You've been by my side

With every tear I've cried

I don't actually know the day Jesus grabbed ahold of my heart. It happened several times during the week of January 4th as I wrestled with the truth of who God says He is.

Oh, I can't believe that You'd give everything for me

I can't believe it, no, I can't believe it, no, no

I know You never lied, and so it's just my foolish pride

That I just won't receive it,
It's so hard to receive it in my heart 

And make the start with you

I just could not believe that someone would die for me. Who would do that? It doesn't even make sense! But I desperately needed a fresh start. I was failing miserably at life, at relationships, at - well, most everything. I longed to believe that Jesus is who He says He is.

Help me, help me now
I just don't know how
You know, I've been so alone
Please melt this heart of stone

There was no longer any question on that day in January of 1999 that I desperately needed Jesus.

I have a serious gap in pictures during that time, but here's a gem from about 6 months later:

I still do need Him. There is nothing magical that happens at the moment of salvation (if you have a "moment," yet it's often a process) that makes us less reliant on God. If anything, I believe we become even more keenly aware, through the power of the Holy Spirit and our spiritual eyes being opened, that apart from Him, we really can do nothing.

Especially recently, I'm intimately and painfully aware of my weaknesses and failures and continual dependence on Him. I know the truth of 2 Corinthians 12:10, that when I am weak, I am strong in Him, but I don't know if the power of that truth has been fully recognized in my soul, or embraced in my heart.

Yet when I shared with my dear husband why January 4th is significant, I got choked up. I know that I know that I know that Jesus has deeply transformed my heart and my life.  He continues to change me and set me free, one breath at a time.

And I continue to choose to trust Him. Trust that He is good, that He is my only hope. That He cares about me so deeply and passionately that His perfect will was for His only begotten Son to suffer, be crushed, punished, condemned, and to die so that I would not be punished or condemned, but may have peace and life till it overflows.

"I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." John 14:27 (NLT)

Thank You, Jesus, for life. For breath. For a fresh start. For joy in my sadness, light in my darkness, truth in my confusion, peace in my anguish, sight in my blindness, hope in my desperation. For when I am weak, Your grace becomes sufficient, and then, I am strong.

Jesus, let's go for at least 14 more!

*I much prefer this acoustic version of the song to the one that is typically played. It's raw, it's pure, it's just Keith Green and his piano - how I like him best.

Monday Morning Meditation: Wait in Expectation

I will be out of town when this is published and will not have access to a computer.

Thus, I'd like to leave you with a few verses and a link to a song I wrote back in 1999 based on this psalm.

In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.

I named the song, In the Morning.



Wait for Him with expectation. He hears your voice.

In the Morning
In the morning, LORD, You hear my voice;
In the morning I wait.
Yes, in the morning, Lord, I lay my burdens before You,
And wait in expectation for Your voice.

By Your great mercy, I will come into Your house.
In reverence, I will bow down.
Lead me, Lord, in Your righteousness,
And make Your way straight before me.

Por la mañana, Señor,
Escuchas mi clamor
Por la mañana, Señor, te esperoy
Por la mañana, Señor,
Te presento a ti mis ruegos
Y quedo a la espera de oir tu voz

Por tu gran amor, entraré en tu casa
Con reverencia, me postraré
Guíame Señor en tu justicia
Y empareja delante de mi tu senda

© 1999 Unveiled Faces Music

(Unfortunately, I do not currently have a recording of the Spanish translation. Any native Spanish speakers want to volunteer to sing, or at least reassure me that my Spanish is not horrifying?)

Exodus Conference Follow-up: Download My Songs

Throughout the next week or so, I'll be posting some new material and reposting some old material here that is relevant to the various things I discussed at the Exodus Freedom conference.

I stopped emphasizing the fact that I am a singer/songwriter on this blog a while ago, and I'm not positive why. Maybe I was concerned about the quality of the recordings I have, or I let my critics get to me (who at one point called my music "crappy"). I also thought I'd just wait to start sharing my music when I had more professional mp3's.

Numerous people came up to me at the conference to confirm that my songs could be found somewhere on-line. One woman emphatically said, "I need to have your songs......in my car!!!"

Well, thanks for the encouragement, folks :) I've decided to stop caring that the recording quality may not be great and simply allow God to use my songs however He sees fit.

That said, I will give a disclaimer. I gave a concert in May of 2001. Someone put a minidisc recorder in the front row of the sanctuary and recorded it (remember those things?). I made a CD out of that. That whole CD is available for free download here. Simply right-click on the individual files to download. You can also download the CD art at the above link if you want to burn yourself a CD and be all old skool :)



I shared several of my songs in the context of my testimony in one of my Exodus Freedom conference workshops. Here they are. These will all play streaming. If you want to download the first three, go here, find the song, and right-click to download.

As I Held On To Nothing
Love Is Not This
Waiting Game
You (downloadable here)

You can also purchase my testimony through CA Tapes. The mp3 is $5 & the CD is $7. The quality of the songs came through pretty well.

You can also download other random songs here, including the song I wrote for Bunny Boo, the sweet baby we lost through miscarriage.

I will close with the words of thanks to God that I used on the CD:

"[Thanks to] Jesus, for keeping me alive when all I wanted to do was die. Let me never forget what You've done for me."

To Him be the glory forever and ever, Amen.

Monday Morning Meditation: Start Your Day with Power

What are you like when you wake up in the morning? How do you react to your alarm? Are you excited about a new day? Are you instantly weighed down by the worries of life? Do you hit snooze several times, unready to face the day?



I'm a morning person, without a doubt. I often wake before my alarm even goes off. I almost never hit snooze, but jump out of bed and usually either go for a run or have study time.

That doesn't mean I always wake with joy or gratitude. As I hit the pavement or settle in for study, what pops into my head is often all the things I need to do or am concerned about. I struggle to focus as I become overwhelmed with what lies ahead.

"But as for me, I will sing about your power.
Each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love.
For you have been my refuge,
a place of safety when I am in distress." Psalm 59:16 (NLT)

Reading this psalm today was a powerful reminder for me. I have a choice in the morning about what I focus on. I can choose to focus on God's power, His ability to take care of my concerns. I can sing of His love that has always been unfailing and will not change just because my circumstances feel insurmountable. I can make Him my refuge from my first waking moment.

What can you do to make God your focus in the morning? How can you sing with joy rather than wake with worry and frustration?

Lent: Moderation & Consecration

Lent is upon us.

Recently, my kids were quite sick. During that time, I was surprised by an unexpected blessing: I had to slow way down.

When I was sitting with a sick kid or stuck under a sleeping baby, my iPhone options were boring me. Thus, I got back into the habit of actually reading books!

We were also unable to go to church due to lingering illness, so I read Acts 22 (no special reason - I'm reading through Acts and that's the chapter I was on), as well as that day's reading from My Utmost for His Highest. Then we watched a pastor friend's church service over the internet.

As I found a few minutes to pray, I was thinking of the upcoming Lenten season and what, if anything, God would have me do during that time. The line "Make My Life a Prayer To You" came to mind.

So I began to sing through the lyrics:
Make my life a prayer to You, I want to do what you want me to,
No empty words and no white lies, no token prayers, no compromise
I want to shine the light you gave Through Your Son, you sent to save us,
From ourselves and our despair. It comforts me to know you're really there.

Oh, I want to thank you now, for being patient with me
Oh, it's so hard to see when my eyes are on me
I guess I'll have to trust and just believe what you say
Oh, you're coming again, coming to take me away

I want to die, and let you give Your life to me, so I might live,
And share the hope You gave to me - The love that set me free,
I want to tell the world out there You're not some fable or fairy tale
That I made up inside my head: You're God, The Son, You've risen from the dead.


I want my days to be free of rituals and compromise of any sort. I want my entire life, every moment, to be a living sacrifice, wholly devoted to serving Him and others. I know there are areas that I do still falter or willfully disobey. I want to learn to submit them to Him.

This Lent for me will be a time of moderation & consecration, a time where I ask God to cleanse my life of any idolatry (the song "Give Us Clean Hands" also keeps coming to mind), a time to continue on the journey of becoming all God created me to do so that I can do all the things He has called me to do.

And when I falter and I am not able, I will choose to remember that He is able.

Thoughts on Life, Work & Music

I started reading this book, The 4-Hour Work Week. I read a review over at The Simple Dollar and got a copy from the library. The young man who wrote it (younger than me, at least!) is obviously quite entrepreneurial, and his methods definitely wouldn't work for everyone, but there is a lot of meat to be taken from it. I've started taking some notes & jotting down some ideas.

One of the ways I'm simplifying my life is by clearing out the inboxes of my various e-mail accounts, as well as trying to reply right away when I can. My main e-mail account now has 36 e-mails waiting to be replied to rather than the 150+ it usually has. Now I have 2 more accounts to clean out.

I'm not sure if some of my new blog friends know that I'm a singer/songwriter. I don't have a professional CD, but in the past had a CD made of a concert. I also, in the past couple of years, did rough recordings of 2 newer songs, "You" & "You Know Me". I already have about 10 songs written for another project. The drummer from church said we should get some studio time and record some of the songs, which I'd love to do. So one of my goals for the next 6 months is to record at least a few of the songs for my next CD project, which will be called "You". That's one of the things the book has reminded me that I'd like to do.